Two of my favorite things…
Finding the root of a problem. And, poking my nose into something that I shouldn’t be.
Well finding the root of a problem isn’t always the funnest thing, but I do it anyways. My mind drifts into researching and locating the source of a problem. Especially if I’m hearing things that don’t jive. That feels wrong, and attacks a core principle.
Was that a sound of a sigh, I hear? And that this is some pretty deep thoughts for a Saturday morning, when I should be watching cartoons and eating that bowl of sugary cereal.
Yup. True words. But here I am. Swimming in the deep end.
So, I’m about to discuss the “Mommy Wars”. And of course, your thinking. Really? You have a tendency to do things so late in the game.
Of couse I do!
You notice no men are around? Yeah, they are scared... Very, very scared
It’s like, when I was 12 years old and I could finally walk around, all cool, in my new parachute pants from the “reduced bin”, and then Break-dancing on that cardboard box when it wasn’t cool anymore… uh, yeah.
So, I’m going to start off with a link to this discussion.
Mommy War and Peace: It’s Personal [ svmoms.com ]
It was this link that got me thinking about the subject. I’ve been reading about Mommy Wars on and off, letting the world bicker about who is right or what-not.
But this one article did cause me to pause. Why? It was this line:
Enough already.Most mommies don’t have a choice about fighting this war—they’re drafted.
So my root-cause-analytical-over-thinking mind went into overdrive. What war? Who started it? Why drafted? And why was lines drawn to begin with?
Before I overly ponder those questions I would like to start out by thinking that the “war” is the family. The family brings in all kinds of discussions, requirements, demands, expectations, loves, hates, joys, harmony?, and living to the fullest, and really I could go on and on with verbs and adjectives.
A lot of my ponderment (Ponder + Wonderment, yeah I create new words…) come’s from Darryle Pollack’s thoughts. She battled with work and family throughout this article. And, I even responded to it, with a thinking out loud moment. I 100% believe (Attack me if you want), that the root problem to women fighting over working vs stay-at-home mom’s is this:
Guys can’t be trusted.
There I said it. Guy’s can’t be trusted to treat women as their equal. I’m not saying all do. There is some great men out there, but I worry that they are no longer the rule. If it was, would we really have this battle?
I reflected this in this comment I made to Darryle (One line removed):
Is it because men can’t be relied upon? so the battle is heavier on women to figure out how to deal with the costs of living and the costs of loving your kids?
Who’s going to look at the guy, and say,
“Look what you have done! You have made it so we can’t trust you, and depend on you to be our equal so we have to bicker over whether or not we should do it all, and have to be attacked by the ones who get that equality?”
In life. Sometimes it isn’t fair, due to decisions we have made, and decisions that others have made. Nevertheless, they have been made. And support and effort should be made to those that need help, and support those that are put into a position (again, by their choice and/or others) So, that we live this life to the fullest. To the happiest, and we should bring about peace and comfort as we work to enhance the lives around us.
The support could just be a recognition of the struggles that the person is going through, not necessarily wanting it solved by someone else, but just to know that they will make it. That they are obtaining happiness, or that it will come if we just let them know that it is still there for them to grasp.
And guys. Dang us! Why do we have to be the root cause to this crappiness. I see Mommy Wars as a battle that should of never been waged.
Why? Because it’s the stupid ones that don’t support. These men fight, they quarrel, that don’t love with all their hearts, mind and efforts. These are the ones that abandon the homes. They force, and require women to be “drafted”, as Darryle put it. Because women are running out of resources and they are abandoning their expectations of you standing up and being a man, husband and father. And requiring the women to take it all on.
And then you have the men, that demand that women work, and abandon the home. Yeah, it’s not a choice, they make it a requirement! There are men (Yes I know this as I have met them) who joke about taking a bite from the cake that will ruin their lives and financial happiness. And then immediately become grumpy and unhappy. Then go and demand their wives to work up through pregnancy and then through childhood. Some women would rather be home. Some enjoy work, but battle the needs. And the husband should be side-by-side determining the best path together as a family, to best address the needs.
So until we get it all back in order. And, I have a feeling like it won’t unless we teach boys to become men, and men to be greater. All I can say is to the Mom’s who struggle through this ‘battle’, “Rock on Mom. Rock on.”
I think you are so right on here. I get that the Mommy war topic is a multi-faceted one and I hesitate to identify one issue as a root cause in complex dynamic, but if I go completely on my own personal experience and my observations of the experience of those around me, then your “root cause” is accurate in far, far more instances than not. Certainly in far more instances than most would admit.