When I Walk Down The Street, I’m Tripping Over My Feet

Also known as, Fighting Back The Insecurities

Deciding to fall in love, is something that some people jump right into, while others are scared to death.  Love is a lot like the deep end of a swimming pool.  Some people just head over to the diving board and without thinking about it, get up on it, bounce up and down a couple of times and then just jump.

Well that isn't cool... No jumping?

Others sit on the edge of the board dipping their toes in wondering if would be awesome but too afraid too [ Sheesh there could be sharks in a pool right? ].  While others never even make it over to the board and hang out in the shallow end (There is the middle of the pool, but people don’t really hang out where they can only barely touch.. It’s all or nothing)

I was the kind that walked up to the board.  Walked to the edge and looked down into the water.  Thought about what I wanted.  Thought about how high I want to jump measured the distance then…. I would step back and go full bore into what ever decision I commited too.

I was always like this, with one exception.  I learned at a very important time in my life, that I needed to think before I leaped.

Anyone who is familiar with “Rope Courses” knows that there is one, where you climb up a tree.  Stare a ring and then jump.

Our Ropes Course coach started talking to us about the rules.  I on the other hand was staring at the ring.  I was scared to death to just think about it.  But I kept looking at it.  I saw the distance.  I measured in my mind how far I would have to jump [ coach is still talking ]. And then the moment my gut wrenched and subsided, I started to climb.

To only be jerked back down.

“What the hell are you doing Travis?”

Uh, I was going to get up there and setup myself up to jump. [ duh!! ]

“You going to jump without any gear on?”

Oohhh….

This stung. I was embarrassed as 20 other people where watching me.  And then the coach went into analyzing me.

“See Travis here, he strong, he’s adventurous.  When he sees something that he wants he does a really good job at getting mentally prepared for it.”

“But, Travis. You need to not just get mentally there, you have to be physically prepared.”

That stung so deeply, that I made such a foolish decision that I was hell-bent on never allowing that to happen again. [ We won't go into what happened at the wall. ]

Surprisingly, as I look back on my life.  I would have to say, that it has served me well.  With my slight quirks and communication styles [ Which wasn't fully realized till 2 years ago ] I was able to provide pretty well.

I’ve noticed now that I don’t jump so often.

I was so big into learning everything I could as quickly as I could.  “Why don’t I jump anymore?” I think to myself.  I know what will happen if I do it. [ Stupid analytical mind ]

Which means, that I make refined choices.

[ Because laughing at Mac and Bleu Cheese is clearly an indicator of my choices ]

But what all of this over-analyzing has really done, is that I realized that  I need to not only rely on my mind, but also rely on my heart.  For quite awhile,  I lived by my mind.  The heart was a scary place to go to.  It felt lonely, to be the one who loved but never be on the receiving end.

It was interesting thought process as I realized that by my nature, I’m pretty passionate, but that I can be better.  And who doesn’t really want to be the best person they can be?

[ It's that moment when you start closing in. ]