So I did it.
I stared it down, and I conquered. I am the conquering hero! [ well not really, I've done this before ]
But… I still feel heroic. And you can’t take that away from me. For today, I have conquered the chaos that is…
my bathroom.
See, as people come to get to know me. They learn something. They learn, that I never…. Uh, I mean always shower and shave. And I make a thorough mess of the bathroom in the process… [ Man do I hate shaving with an electric razor. Hair goes everywhere and you are the one stuck cleaning it! ]
What is up with all this PDA? Who is responsible for this site?
One of the difficulties that I have is that I get anxieties when my place isn’t clean, and I have a 4 step process for managing this stress, and they are:
1) Don’t clean. Suck it up. And pretend it doesn’t exist.
2) Don’t clean.
3) ???
4) Success!
I find that these 4 steps have paved a way to utter perfection. And the key step, of course, is step 3. It is so decisive and well defined that If I reach that step then the point comes where… I stare at the bathroom and clean. I clean like it was a Roman bathhouse [ Without all the Romanism's... ewww ]
And then when I’m done. It’s complete satisfaction. Remember the scene in the movie ‘Up!’ where Ellie moves the bird to point in the right spot… I have a confession to make. i smiled… [ Yup, don't look at me. I'm so ashamed ]. Cause just before she did that my thought went… that should be… “Ah yes, she moves its” and I smiled.
See people deal with things that are out of the control in different ways. For some, they don’t know how to handle it and snap, get angry, and just be downright mean. While others may curl up in a ball and go comatose for days.
Me? I started controlling everything that I could control. And that meant cleaning. I would clean like it’s no tomorrow. My kitchen was a kitchen that Bobby Flay would be proud of. [ Call me. We where going to hang out with Mario, remember? ]
Which wasn’t really a good thing. See I didn’t know how to deal with the things that was happening to me [ Cause when things happen they always happen to us... right? ]
Which actually [ and as a complete tangent ] I remember in my High School I took a marriage and family class [ What's that... they really have that in school? ]
Why yes… yes they do. And I being the dork I was took it. But something I learned in that class has competely stuck with me. And I can’t stop thinking about it. In this class I was taught the 75/25 rule.
What’s the 75/25 rule you ask?
Well it goes like this. If both of you put 75% of your time, efforts and attention to the marriage. And the remaining 25% of it on yourself for self improvements. You get what?
Yup! The marriage gets 150%… Now that’s a math that I like. And at the same time we are doing things for ourselves. And if we do things that enhance something about this… Guess what? That will go directly back into the 75% making it that much fuller.
Dang. Math is awesome.
My instructor told us [ And this is what stuck with me ]. “That the marriage will not only have a full cup, but it will be overflowing.” And it will be so awesome, that you will not be able to enjoy all of it until we experience it over time.
Now, this is one of my creeds, my motto. Because if I can make you smile and me be in love with you. Then you would not only desire it for yourself, but you would climbing over hand and foot to return this love.
I have a belief. Yes it may be true that in a marriage, men will blame women, and women will blame the men. Making it look like equal parts of blame all around… when it fact it’s not.
Whether women like it or not. Men will become a big reason for their happiness. And women have this wonderful ability to love. As a man, that puts a lot of responsibility on us to not just return it but to thrive in it. Most relationship breaking moments in marriages and relationships can be pinpointed to something that a man did to trigger it.
Men, we effectively go back in to blame mode, and say stuff like, “Well if you wouldn’t always check up on me and accuse me of stuff. then I wouldn’t of actually done it. Because you kept telling me I was, i gave in, and did it.” [ 'It' being, going out late, hanging with the guys without know where... etc.. Which leads to BIGGER "IT's"]
Because, duh… clearly that wasn’t juvenile behavior and he was full of rational thought.
I have a word for men like that…. and it isn’t very nice.
I’ve had situations where I was followed up on. And was asked where i was at… then no more than minutes later, I got an apology for them asking.
Me: “What? Why are you apologizing?’
Her: “Well, I was just thinking that you would get upset.”
Me: “Well you know why someone would be upset right?”
Her: “Why?”
Me: “They are worried that you might find out the hidden things they are doing”
Transparency, is the utmost of importance in any relationship. Complete 100% openness. Any time, someone doesn’t want that they are trying to keep there cards close. As if, they may not be doing something now, but it opens the way for things to happen down the road.
And, I fully believe that love, the idealist version of it is reachable, sustainable and capable of being lived completely and wholly throughout our lives.
Now that I’m done being on my soapbox… A police officer is giving me a funny look and… well look at that. I think I hear someone calling for me.
Got to go. 
[ If your wondering if I want you to, I want you to ]
I have to tell you, I find that if you aren’t doing things you wouldn’t want everyone to know about…life is so much simpler. You don’t have to worry about all that cloak and dagger. And even though I tell people I look so much better in the dark…my life is better lived in the light.
Nicki´s last blog ..Finally, another Gwen Bell 2009 Blog Challenge Post…
Nicki, haha, I doubt that last line.
But I completely agree with everything else. If you lead a transparent life, two things happen. You become aware of how your actions will affect others. And two, others will have no cause for concern, as they will easily and effortlessly learn who you are.