Also known as, It’s Sabotage All Y’all!!!
Brain is going into sabotage mode. Self doubts are flying around me like those crazy monkeys from Wizard of Oz. At some point I’m afraid that one is going to catch me. and then it’s the military-like precession to dooom!
[ Of DoOOom! ]
This started last night. I guess, I should of been forewarned. I mean, as I started to drift off, my body starting to jerk and clench. It was already trying to fight off sleep. I should of fought it off just a bit longer. I was only asleep for a couple of hours when I had one of those crazy dream within a dream within a dream of craptasticulocity. I woke up and my body was just hurting, with my left arm feeling like it had the crap kicked out of it [ odd I don't remember that bruise before ]. I started questioning why anyone would be willing to deal with this. Heck, I’m having a hard time dealing with this.
I woke up, and literally it felt like I was bound to my bed, I could barely move. [ There has to be a Lifetime movie in here somewhere ]. Maybe someone could come up with something that is a cross between Wicked, Obsessed and My life? Wouldn’t that just be too awesome! A musical too! [ eh... I think I would skip it, actually ]
[ Damn... when will the dreams stop ]
I’m having this self doubt run through me, like Swift Crick on a cold spring day.. [ That's right... I said Crick! ] and it’s not that I’m worried about how I would love someone else, but it’s just that, how could someone love me? Knowing that there is this stupid crazy baggage lingering around me. I mean, it’s not like I could have this leave me. You would have to be willing to watch me act “normal” in public situations and talk with dignity [ even smile ] act like nothing bad ever happened, and then in private watch me melt down… Yeah, I can read that match.com profile section now.
~sigh~
Oh… and every so often, have to witness me wake up from those dreams…
If it makes you feel any better, I occasionally have dreams where Zombies are chasing me through a technicolored freakscape from hell . . . . Those times I tend to just avoid going to bed.
In the mean time, try melatonin, its an herbal supplement that helps with sleep issues.
alley´s last blog ..UGH! My Back hurts
But Zombies?! That’s just awesome! I could use my Emergency Zombie Defense Kit. Mmmmmmm defense against the undead…
lol, I went to see the remake of Dawn of the Dead with what had to be the worst boyfriend ever, and was so traumatized by it that I couldn’t handle being alone at night for a long time, still hate that movie.
would so message you, if I paid for match.com and didn’t live in kansas. . . .
alley´s last blog ..UGH! My Back hurts
Oh man… worse boyfriend ever… date movies never should consist of scenes defending oneself from the heartless undead.
I don’t actually have a match.com account. I only thought about what my profile would consist of.
good, because those sites are like paying for the opportunity to be rejected . . . not fun.
Yeah, I didn’t realize how intense that movie would be and would try to hide my eyes by leaning on him and I’d get shooed away . . . he found it distracting. I found the zombie baby disturbing, he thought it was cool. Shoulda been an indication of a deeper incompatibility, but alas, I didn’t take it.
alley´s last blog ..UGH! My Back hurts
Okay… I went from, well maybe he was going for the “I get to have her really close to me, due to the scary scenes” kind of guy…
Now? Not so much.
What the heck! The whole point of scary movies, is so they jump into your arms, not push them away… He failed the Would he protect me test
The notion that he even offered to see Dawn of the Dead should of been the first clue.
You live in Kansas? Like…home of Dorothy? Wow. You’re a rock star! Yeah, I should discover this after the flying monkeys comment. I use my own Oz references. When Rachel gets cranky I tell her to begone before someone drops a house on her. Works every time.
PS. You will be loved. Someone will love all of you. Don’t settle ’til you get it right.
Nicki´s last blog ..Someone to run to…
Me? no, I don’t hail from the land of Oz (no… not that Auz…) I’m a few more states north, in a area known as Wisconsin. I’m not actually from Wisconsin, I’m a transplant… Hence… all of my rock star benefits have been revoked.
Oz references apply to every day occurrences…
Alley, on the other hand does hail from the land of Oz (Kansas). I think that’s where the confusion was created.
And there is no place like home… where ever that might be. (Don’t know yet.. There is a house… and I’m in an apartment, which is yet to be a home.)
Its me, I’m from Kansas, land of cows and redneck, the black hole on the prairie and alleged home of Dorothy. I can sling the farm references into conversation as fast as I can sling the scifi references. Both habits draw that look that says “I’d back away slowly but you are still looking at me”.
alley´s last blog ..UGH! My Back hurts
Mmmmmm…. it’s better to aim for the stars and miss, than to fire a phaser into a cow patty and hit.
Hey Travis- I’m just catching up on your posts. I remember feeling like this for a while when I re-entered the dating world… it was scary and I was insecure, and I still am a bit (strange- I was so confident before)… You just gotta fight past the beginning and it will get easier from there. Everybody breaks down sometimes. A good woman will be willing to hang on your arm out in public and be your shoulder to lean on in private when you need it.
This seems like a Rock On! Moment.
IntrigueMe´s last blog ..Sweet Nothings
Sarah… Rock on… Rock On!
I loved your comment, and it was something that I didn’t actually believe. Someone who would want to hang on my arm? This person didn’t even come across my mind as someone who even existed.
\m/
Oh she’s out there, you’ve just gotta search a little longer, which shouldn’t be a problem since you’re so busy rocking in the meantime
IntrigueMe´s last blog ..Sweet Nothings