Boom, My Heart Skips A…

Also known as, Mmmm Hero[ine] Looks Good On You.

A common theme with all of us divorced and single parents seems to be this quest for love, the idea of finding a new love, the challenges achieving that happy ending entails.  And it’s easy to understand why we are so focused on that.  We all want our second chance.  We all want this happier life.  And we’re anxious to get started already, to share our life with someone special.

Every once in a while I used to start thinking that I might be interested in meeting someone new.  For me, it isn’t easy.  Those of you who have read me over on my blog, Suddenly Single Journey, know that I talked about going on dates (bad dates, elimidates, and not a dates) so it seemed easy.  But none of you really know what’s happening behind the scenes.  You only know what I tell you.  [ Mwah ha ha. ]

So, if you must know, aside from the whole divorced mother of two bit that I have going on, I spend my days working with the elderly in a hearing office.  Not everyone is completely elderly.  We have a healthy range mostly from 60 stretching past 100.  Yes, people that old do exist.  Though many of the men find me to be utterly fetching, and though my name may be Nicole, I don’t really see me pulling an Anna Nicole.  And not just because I’m not blond anymore or ever again.

Regardless, I spend a lot of time entertaining them while Michael, my consultant does his job.  Most patients tend to arrive early and Michael mostly runs late, so I do A LOT of entertaining.  Needless to say, I have mastered the art of conversation.  I know how to keep people talking about themselves.  And one of my favorite stories is their love story.  These people come in having been married for fifty or more years…to the SAME person.  Naturally, I have to know how they met.  I have to know how they’ve made it last.  And lately, I’ve even been discovering a new breed of older patient, those on their second marriages.

These are my POI.  (Patients of Interest)  See, I’ve been married once.  I know how I met my first husband.  I’m baffled how these people met spouse number two.  Oh, and they have great stories.  And do you know what they have in common?  With the exception of one, count them: one couple, none of these stories begin with, “We met online.”

It has occurred to me, there is a reason for that.  It’s hard to meet someone online.  There are so many variables to liking someone to begin with, forget about the deceptive advertising, the amateur photography, the delete button.  Sure, there’s the instant gratification that comes from always having mail in the inbox, but that can be really short lived.

And when I imagine my future and talking to people and telling them my love story, somehow I just don’t see it beginning with, “Well, we met online.” None of that seems like me…I don’t think.  I meet people randomly…only lately I really don’t.  Or I meet people through friends…only recently I haven’t.  Or …yeah, I’ve got nothing.

So, this is why I would periodically drop a post on Craigslist.  It’s not just to give my mother fits or cause her sleepless nights wringing her hands in frustration from a thousand miles away.  I get very little satisfaction in that…really.  In fact, I hate telling her where I meet people.  Maybe I should invent a friend named Craig who has a stable full of virile males all eager to meet me as the moment allows?  Nah.  Just as well.  She’ll never believe that NOW.

At the same time, I believe that we are the hero/heroine of our life story…and the author.  We get to write it.  That means that I won’t be riding off into the sunset on some white steed.  Nor will I be speeding off on a Harley.  Instead, in my perfect love story, we will be walking the beach hand-in-hand at sunset.  He’ll be holding my flip flops in the other hand.  I’ll be loading his cargo shorts pockets with sea debris.  [ Ahhh. ]

And the funny thing is that lately, I’ve been noticing that so much of what I’ve been writing has been coming true.  I have found an amazing man who may just fall in love with me.  It’s too soon to tell.  I know that there are so many qualities that I love about him, that make him all the more attractive.  And that’s more than a start.  I know that he’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but never had before.  I know that I’m happy on my own, and not only does he not make me unhappy, but he enhances my happy.

Everyone who knows me and loves me, my friends and family, caution me to not get too wrapped up in him too soon.  They remind me to take my time.  And while that is all good advice, I think I suffer at times from the plight of the divorced and single parents.  I think sometimes I suffer from that impatience, that sense of urgency to start my new life already.

We are trained to believe in our society that love is this lightening bolt occurrence, the ultimate ah ha moment, this enduring experience.  We know this because of the movies we watch and the books we read and the advertisements we watch and read.  We are absolutely inundated with how love is supposed to be.

I’ve decided to shun all of that.  My love story is going to be what’s right for me.  So, I’m going to let feelings grow at their own pace.  I’m going to let the relationship develop through phone calls and text messages and quality time when we can get it.  I’m going to make sure that like Cinderella’s glass slipper, he fits me and my life…my unorthodox, somewhat bohemian, always unpredictable, rich, happy life.

Time for you to write your own love story.  And remember, you’re the hero or heroine, no one else.  It doesn’t matter what pop culture suggests love is, only what you think love is.  It doesn’t matter if it looks wildly different from the norm.  What matters is your happiness.  Look at previous relationships as rough drafts.  Edit.    Revise.  Re-write.  Keep working on it until you are confident that you have your final copy ready.  There’s no editorial review on this story.  There’s no limit to the number of drafts.  Writing, like wine, gets better with time.  What matters is not how much you write, or how often you write, but that you write.  Get started…

[ Editor's Note ] A Culminating Life recommends that all attempts at being a hero, or heroine be done in your flip flops… cause they feel soo good.  Oh! Don’t forget, “Get Started!”… Or else!

As a extra bonus, re-read this article while listening to “Boom” by Anjule…

Nicki spends her small moments of quietness writing a fantastic blog over at Suddenly Single Journey.