Also known as, Será Una Gran Noche.
It seems recently that I’ve been getting emails from readers just expressing a broad range of thoughts. [ Except they all deal with the same subject ]. I’ve been asked what should be said when breaking up with someone to make it quick, semi-painless, but to make it clear in no uncertain terms that it was over. To messages saying that I’m an anomaly and how they wished they could find someone like that.
I’ve been told, that I’m either in awed of, or lusted over. [ Still figuring that out ]
Much of what I write, is what I believe a relationship should be like. To often, I hear about all the negative. The abuse, the infidelity and the loneliness. And these are good things to get off your chest. But what about the hope? The belief that everything will be fine, that this hell on earth will only last just long enough to make you appreciate the beauty when you see it. Of all the people, the ones who go through this pain, will deeply recognize what love and compassion should feel like and know it when they see it.
There are sucky men and women out there, that we could all use a break from.
My one fear as I write this blog, is that there will be the one reader who doesn’t believe in love, that they have become hardened. They can no longer love.
“She will learn from her mom, that she doesn’t need a man”
In life, there is the views that are hard-left. Views that are hard-right and views that are just right [ Eh? Goldylocks? ]. With hard-left being a thought in the most negative of form. Where hard-right is taking a thought to the other end of the spectrum… both sides appears to be beneficial, but both still results in a extreme negative view.
For instance with the above quote, I would see this as a hard-left statement. Where you are seeing that something should be “cut” from your life, to gain happiness.
The hard-right view of this, is to say this: “She will learn from her mom, that she has to rely on a man”
When you look at these statements, it clear that both are incorrect. That a happy medium needs to exist. Something more like this is more fitting:
“She will learn from her mom, that happiness comes from within, and that being in love with a man who treats her with the respect she deserves will re-enforce that happiness”
First thing that is more than a little obvious, is how much longer this sentence is compared to the other two. Something that people tend to do is shorten sentences to the point, where it removes much of the meaning, and forces you to interpret what they really mean. And that relies on previous understanding of the person’s views, emotional state and thinking styles.
Thoughts that are in the middle of the road, require you to think about why it should be the middle of the road. The hard-left and hard-right answers, don’t require much thought at all. They can be as simple as repeating somebody else’s view. And that other persons view could of just been repeated by somebody else too.
For you to truly do what is right, you have to ponder, why should this be my view? Any view that is guided or controlled by fear, uncertainty and doubt will directly or indirectly be applied to others, and will never be in the middle of the road. These views will always lean to the left or too the right.
As for the above example. I teach my girls to stand on their own. That a family will only truly benefit when they can apply their strengths and happiness, skills and talents and to do it with a heart that is full of compassion and joy. I teach my sons, to love, be a strength, and stand up for what is right. I teach all of my kids that the goal in this life is family.
Men and women need each other. For their strengths, for their views, and for the love that they can offer each other.
Any man or women who violates this love, will not be able to obtain that which they so desire. They will end up being loved by another person, and their kids will struggle to learn what love means for them, giving them challenges that would of not otherwise came to them if the two were faithful and lived for each other.
I love this post, Travis. It’s also a very different writing style you’ve been blogging with lately. It’s fresh, I like it.
If it were up to my Mom what she taught me, I’d have been a hard left.
Mmmm… You should smell the air here in Vancouver
i get what you are saying – i think. I am middle of the road – and lord knows I have the long sentences to prove it.
And I see why you talk about hope, but I also dealt with reality. The reality being that despite my loving – I was not loved. And my daughter will see that my loving led to a lonely, broken heart. Not sure how to explain to her that loving can result in happiness.
And I truly mean this in the most respectful way possible. Sometimes in reading your hopeful thoughts of what a relationship should be like – it is like a painful echo of the innocence that I once had. I hear it but it is far away and distant. Yet I have inferred from your other posts that you know how painful love can be. So (and here is why I prefaced this paragraph with the sentence I did) sometimes it seems like maybe looking through rose-colored glasses. I don’t know – just a random thought – no criticism intended.
But I love the post. Especially “men and women need eachother”. But I would add – NOT in the way that they think they do.
AmyMarie´s last blog ..Journal 136: January 2010 On Your Anniversary
AmyMarie, there are two posts, if you can find them, will show you how deep the pain really goes. How I look is not through rose-colored glasses but at how it should be. I find that many of problems that exist in relationships are placed on men. I find more sadness and heartache that was caused by men, than is caused by women.
Yet my story exists. It is very painful story, one that I still feel every day. I just know what is right in how people should love each other.
It is possible to have loving someone reinforce happiness. I do it every day. I never regretted once how much effort and love I put into my marriage. I’m happy about the effort I put into it. This effort will benefit greatly the person that I find who will love me in return. I won’t let another person change who I am on the inside. If I let her devastate me, and take away who I am, the next person who falls in love with me, will not receive the fullest of compassion that I could provide. I can not risk that.
I wouldn’t say that your loving led to a lonely, broken heart. I would say that you loved because you wanted too, and the other person did not treat it like the gift it was, and his actions led to your lonely, and broken heart. Do not discredit what you have in your heart. Someday, someone will benefit greatly from your ability to love them. And they will return it. Hold on to this belief. It will pay off.
And I would agree, that many men and women confuse themselves, on how they think they need each other. But I always say. Love is simple, never complex. The moment you make it complex is the moment when someone will confuse it with something it’s not.
Thank you for comment. I really, really appreciated it.
(side note: I do not easily become offended)
Men and women do need each other. Travis you are such a wonderful writer and your posts have such depth. I always enjoy what you have to say. -Pippi
Pippi´s last blog ..Not Me!
That line was dead on. Men and women do need each other. And admitting it is a sign of strength, not weakness. Making it work is a challenge, a worthwhile pursuit. Oh, and the potential for happiness…immeasurable.
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