Also known as, It’s Out Of Sight!
So I jump around the blog world, and sometimes I read articles that really confuse me. I wonder if it’s just how I see things, and was taught growing up. Many times I look at these lists of things that women learn about men, and they delve into the inner workings of men, and I just don’t see myself in that list… and I’m nowhere in it.
[ So what the heck?! ]
For instance T over at T’s Quest was writing what she learned about men. And I just couldn’t relate. I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never felt trapped when a woman had an expectation of me. I saw it as something that is clearly important and so I figured out what it really was she was wanting and worked it out, so both had a happy outcome (Note: Doesn’t always work. but I can put 99% hit rate with this)… And, man if she has high expectations for you, man up and become the man she is hoping for.
I learned to listen. And then determine if something needed to be solved. If she doesn’t want it solved, I’m going to know it. And I won’t ask what I can do to fix it. I will just remind her that I’m here if she needs me and to feel free to ask any time. And even more importantly, have the problem become your problem so the two of you share in it, doubling up the mental power needed to solve it, using unique thought processes from the both of you.
I’ve never been told no, since I’ve just really stopped focusing on myself, and focused on them. Every date I’ve asked a girl on, I went [ Except one girl in High School... I annoyed her too much. I learned a valuable lesson ]
What I have learned is to stop living for myself and live for her. It will never go wrong. Stop asking, and start giving.
I’ve dealt with rejection. Once I dated a girl who was only doing it, to get back her boyfriend… who was in a local gang, so he would get upset [ Panic was not the correct word for this moment ]. But that’s not really rejection, as I ran… There was this one girl who kept telling me no. But I got her to finally say yes… if that counts?
One woman said, that a man would go insane, if he lived in a woman’s head. But I see this a cop-out. It’s like an excuse, “you don’t have to understand, we know we are crazy”
Which doesn’t roll with me well. See, I would rather spend all night staying up to understand what it is that I need to understand. I would rather you think out loud, so that I start to learn your thought process, so I could start to guess what your going to do next. Studying you is what I should do throughout my whole life.
You want to have ESP? That one thing that woman wished we would have? It’s simple really… just talk and listen.
If you sat down often, and just talked, and listened, she will tell you the world according to her. And when she said, “You should know…” Well guess what? if you were listening during those conversation, you would know, ESP isn’t required, it’s listening that is.
And while we are on the subject of women thinking they are crazy… One comment that drives me nuts when I hear guys say is, “Man she’s crazy”
I’m thinking, “really?” cause she just looks like she is just trying to be happy. And I’m almost certain she has it right, and your just screwing with her and your messing with her head. You tell her she’s crazy and your going to start re-wiring her. [ Which just sucks rocks ] Do you know how much effort it takes to prove that she is thinking perfectly fine, when she’s been told that she is crazy? And you know how much effort it takes to show that I don’t see her like that? [ Yeah... you suck! ]
/rant
Great post, Travis! And I love the picture.
I hate when a guy refers to “that crazy chick he used to date”. Crazy ex usually = woman who wouldn’t put up with his shit.
I do understand though, why a woman would say a man would go crazy inside her head. We have one thing you don’t… estrogen. Sometimes it boggles us just as much as it does you (err… usually).
IntrigueMe´s last blog ..Compatibility vs. Passion
Hmm. A highly evolved male. Nice. Not all men want to take the time to understand, to make a relationship work. It’s easier to pass blame. It’s easier to break up and look for something easier. Kudos for being willing to put in both the times and effort.
Nicki´s last blog ..My first giveaway!
Hi Travis, excellent post, as always; however, I do think it is important to live for yourself first! Both the man and the woman in a relationship need to give, or else it’s one sided and that sucks. I like the pic too, by the way.
Pippi´s last blog ..I lost my virginity when I was 14 years old…
You want someone to buy into you faster than anything else? spend 75% of your time on her, 25% on yourself, and you will see a tremendous amount of awesomeness come from that. It won’t take long for her to realize what love truly means.
OK, I see your point. You win.
Hi, first time commenter on your blog. Since you used my comment on T’s post I figured I would comment here too. I am the one that said a man would go crazy to have a women’s brain for 1 day.
You my friend are an anomaly. Or at least among the men that I have met. In fact, I read one of your posts in which you said that other men tell you to stop because you are giving them a bad name. If you really feel the way you speak, I love you right now! You are exactly what I want and need.
From my experience, most men either don’t want to or don’t know how to relate to a woman that likes to talk about or express their feelings.
Anyway, you seem like a man that most women would die for, so congrats!
Danielle´s last blog ..Her calling????
Thanks Danielle, I really do feel the way I speak.
You don’t have to relate to woman right away, but you have to be willing to want to relate and that takes effort. And some real thought.
Great post, I like your writing! But I do agree – live for yourself too, not just her, though I applaud your approach. Not too many out there like that.
Jolene´s last blog ..Reality’s a bitch sometimes.
Your going to have to define “live for yourself”
What if living for yourself means living for her?
If you spend too much time on yourself, you will not give her the amount of time she needs.
I think it’s a happy medium – you life for yourself, but sure, also for her, but to me, there needs to be a good balance. At least in my opinion.
Jolene´s last blog ..Reality’s a bitch sometimes.
I have a 75/25 rule for that… yeah I’m a dork
Everyone who commented before me hit the nail on the head.
IntrigueMe said: “Crazy ex usually = woman who wouldn’t put up with his shit.”
Nicki said: “Not all men want to take the time to understand, to make a relationship work. It’s easier to pass blame. It’s easier to break up and look for something easier.”
So true!
You get the point. And although it’s nice to be understood, understanding only comes from love.
Oscar Wilde said (something like), “Women aren’t meant to be understood, they are meant to be loved.”
Couldn’t agree more.
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..A Little Love
Partly right. The last half of his sentence is, but the first part… bleh. How can you say you love someone, if you are not willing to make the effort to understand them?
Exactly, Travis. That’s the point. I did say “understanding only comes from love.” Better said; the desire or willingness to understand comes from the committment to love.
Great post!
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..A Little Love
Oscar Wilde has always bugged me. But yes, I absolutely agree… On everything you just said. And thanks.
So Travis, why do most men not think like this? In your opinion, of course, I realize you aren’t a mindreader.
AmyMarie´s last blog ..Journal 136: January 2010 On Your Anniversary
And along that line – what as women – can we do? Do we wait for a miracle to occur and have a guy like this walk into our lives? Or are there things we can do – to influence a man into behaving/thinking in this way?
AmyMarie´s last blog ..Journal 136: January 2010 On Your Anniversary
AmyMarie, this is going to be a long answer. So I’m going to think of the best way to answer this and have it in a post for you.
a man who is not a MR. Fix-it ( or a MR. Fix er’ up- it! because sometimes I need a little help with the leaky faucets, the toilet that won’t stop running, the squeaky doors ) my kinda man
mmmmmmmmmmmmm 
I’m with her on this one. A man who can change my oil makes my heart go Vrooom!
IntrigueMe´s last blog ..I’m Going to Cry When We Win the GOLD.
what about a man who can change the oil and a tire. Fix the sink, and the toilet, and be able to making Windows purr?
*pitter patter* *pitter patter* *drool*
IntrigueMe´s last blog ..I’m Going to Cry When We Win the GOLD.
I agree with Pippi – both people in a relationship need to live for themselves, AND for each other. If it becomes one-sided where the woman expects things, and the man caters to her every whim, that’s not healthy at all. It’s a two-way street. Sometimes manning up means saying no.
dadshouse´s last blog ..Talking to My Daughter About Soccer
Saying no, will bring discontent, and she will probably start to resent you for it, thinking that you just don’t understand.
So don’t say no, but ask what it is she is wanting, and discuss and negotiate. Talking about the pros and cons ’cause you just may need to man up and say that you were wrong too, if you find out what she really wanted was something that can benefit the relationship. And by doing so, nobody has to admit they were wrong, because the answer is now in flux.
In my profession, we are reminded that we can never say “no” but to find out the true goals and figure out how to say yes, either by providing partially what they want or by changing the solution.
And if the answer is no, and both see it, then you won’t be the one telling her no, she will be realizing it’s a no, and will have come up with that in her mind.
I have literally, never said no. If I question whether something is right I will discuss it, and talk about “what if’s”, and 99% of the time they come back and change the request to something else, or tell me no that it couldn’t happen.
That’s some serious gold.
Favorite John Steinbeck quote “Because I got you to look after me, and you got me to after you…We got eachother, that’s what, that gives a hoot in hell about us…”
Seems like if you are both in it – really in it – and in it for the right reasons – there is lttle need to worry about living for yourself.
AmyMarie´s last blog ..Journal 136: January 2010 On Your Anniversary
Mmmm… Exactly.