Also known as, You can’t steal, what is freely given.
I was staring down a whiteboard. I didn’t really want to do it as my thoughts were definitely somewhere else. I drew lines to boxes and wrote down words. Staring at how they all align.
I didn’t want to be there. It was Sunday afternoon. I shouldn’t be there.
Yet I was. So I tried to make the best of it. But I couldn’t hold down a thought if my life depended on it. I kept staring out the window and fighting back the intoxication of my thoughts [ Or maybe it was the markers... ]
Being in Information Security is jokingly referred to as where good Sys Admin’s go to die. I’ve been an Engineer for awhile, an Analyst for a little bit in the financial sector, and navigated the crappy waters of management for way more years than I’d like to admit. I lost more of my youth during my time as management than any other time… It’s good, but I wouldn’t do it in a publicly held company if my life depend… [ Okay, but I would need a strong stiff glass of milk every night ] and someone to sob too, like a 13 year-old after learning that I was grounded for something that I didn’t do. [ Not really, but... what am I saying... yes, yes I would ]
The sun was out yesterday, and I stood looking out the 7th story window across the Wisconsin horizon. What am I doing here? I’m staring out across a landscape that isn’t my home. My kids are over an hour and half away. This landscape means nothing to me. Everyone who even matters in my life, is just out of reach. Something about this time has to be important. But what am I to learn from all of this? How to be lonely? Well that’s easy, so I will check that one off. Anything else? nope… I’ve got nothing.
I feel like I’ve trapped myself in this spot.
I get a txt, from another person just out of reach. She is having difficulties and of course all I have is… my voice and my fast txting skills with words of comfort? I’ve been told that I have a great voice. Once, in a very uncomfortable setting [ I won a contest ], and the others where I wished they could tell me that in person.
I’m staring out this window. Again… what am I doing here?
And what is about 7th stories and a bright sunny day that makes the landscape so beautiful? But… that just makes my heart sink as I can’t share it.
I head back to my cubicle, to stare at a whiteboard and smell the intoxicating aromas of a red marker.
[ Oh how I wish that was perfume ]
Travis, the picture above this post says it all without even saying it. How about taking a vacation? It sounds like you could use a little escape to a sunny place.
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Mmmm, a vacation… I hear Hawaii is awesome this time of year.
What would you do with your time if money wasn’t an option? would it be what you do now? If not, maybe look into changing careers?
The skill you have can probably be applied to teaching, there’s a shortage of math and technology teachers. I know it sounds unpleasant, but its really very rewarding.
and the markers are low odor.
alley´s last blog ..But what does it mean?
I would start my own business… I have on in mind.. why do you have the money? cause I have a killer business plan. lol
You couldn’t get me in a classroom. I worked for a school district awhile back. The politics of education is really hard for technology people.
Ahh the politics . . . I hate that part, and I’m no good at it. I teach science. I like science, you have a problem, you look at it and find a solution that makes sense, then the administrators step in.
I DID get a nice surprise when I did my taxes this year. . . but I have the business instincts of a gnat, probably for the same reason I’m bad at politics. I assume people mean what they say, and I don’t care that that kid is a star athlete, he didn’t turn a thing in all semester.
alley´s last blog ..But what does it mean?
I know this feeling. I know you’re having a rough time. You have an amazing gift for expressing yourself. Now, drop me an email if you need to truly vent. I’m here for you. Always.
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This is a very nicely written post, Travis. Why don’t you move to be closer to your kids? I guess the job market is not the best there right now? Maybe it’s something to think about.
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Thanks Sarah. Yeah the job market is terrible around here. Many of my associates are out of work and had to move out of state. I’m actually really glad I was able to be this close.