So today I had a lot of time to think… [ or throw up ] and after all the “thinking” I realized how badily I missed having someone to care for me [ Yeah I know... it wasn't ever a part of my life ] but that’s what made it hurt more.  I’ve never had it. I’ve never been taken care of, as if they loved me so much, that just to see me in pain made them ache.

I’m assuming that some women would probably tell me that people shouldn’t be forced to be nice, just because I’m sick. [ Which is true ] but I would want them too, because they cared for me deeply.  In the exact same way that I would care for them deeply.  If the one I love is hurting, aching, tired, achy [ have said achy already? ] or even sad, I would go to the far ends of the world to take care of them.

And the kids?  Oh I would be all over that so she could be laying down in peace and quiet [ any maybe a fan? ] and guide and direct the kids to help out while mom was trying to feel better.

Today… I ached for that.  I ached more than any other day I’ve been alone, than I did today.  To take love and adoration, and to put my hands, and heart to good use to make for the perfect home. That would be the greatest day that I could live. [ That is what I can't live with out ]

People believe that sex is a critical piece of the relationship, that the relationship will die without it [ Clearly they've never been truly in love ]… and while it is just as important as all other areas.. just like your senses, you can live without a sense, and still thrive and have the other senses enhanced, because of it.  If you just have that deep belief of love as your core, then everything in life that may be difficult, lost, or changed, will always be perfect… because we didn’t change.

What’s more wonderful, is to be so physically close to the person you love, that you feel the muscles tense up against your stomach, as you felt her heart beat, while your in each other arms.

[ Making the world... become perfect. ]

That alone is more awesome, more amazing, more important to demonstrate to others how much the two of you are in love.

To sneak up behind her in a social setting, whispering in her ear, and telling everyone that you need her attention for a moment.  Walking off for a second, picking her up and whispering, “Have I told you how beautiful you are today?” to which she responds, “You’ve told me everyday my love, but not today” and I would say, “Well my love… you are more beautiful today, than all other days combined.”

Feeling an embrace that feels like your one person, and then returning her back to the social moment she was enjoying, and hopefully making the day, that more perfect.

[ I will pick you up and take you were you want... anywhere you want. ]

I reached the doors. I didn’t have my coat fully zipped up and as I followed another person out, it caused me to stop, and make a slight gasp for air. I quickly zipped up and looked out in the what’s known as a wind tunnel. I can see the wind blowing sideways between the building and the parking garage.

[ Ugh ]

And as most people know, there is going to be music playing in my ears. But tonight it’s so cold they aren’t staying in. So I tuck them away and briskly walk out to the car. I’m getting distracted by thoughts as I will be sitting at a beach this weekend… not a warm one. But I will get to see the ocean on brisk clear nights.  Not much unlike going to Baltimore, I plan to be bundled up.  But.. it’s the ocean.  It’s one of my favorite locations to be.  No matter what time of year, like many things in my life, I love to observe.  I love to watch how the waves come in. And what angle they return at.

At this time about 5 years ago. I was at a beach on the Big Island, Hawai’i.  The first day I was there. The waves where perfect and I went body boarding.  I would continuously ride the wave in all the way to the beach. It was a perfect day and decently challenging.  The next day we decided to go snorkeling… one thing to note, when I’m on vacation I like to take the unbeaten path.  Go to the areas that the locals go. [ Which can get you into trouble... ] but we learned of a spot that was really good…

[ You had to be daring ]

Over looking the ocean you stood on lava. You had to have guts. as you couldn’t just step into the ocean.  You had to dive.  And if you didn’t dive far enough you were going to hit the rocks.  [ Not as bad as you think it is ] But you had to decide to do it, and then commit.

I watched on a trip to Costa Rica a woman who decided to stop mid step, and she wanted to return… She couldn’t, and I watched as she started falling into the rocks to the side.  I was forced to dive at her, and push her.  Forcing her to jump above 15 feet of water.  With her going in just fine and me twisting my ankle and falling into the water on my side. [ Sucked... badly.  I still have the picture of those rocks ]

To commit.  To start something that we can not rescind on.  It’s a powerful reminder that we can’t give up and try and do a take back.

The last day of Hawai’i, I was at that same beach… It was different. [ Very different ] The waves were extremely large and I went out there and rode the first wave in just fine.  It was an awesome rush, and so I got up and went out again.  This time though, I caught the third swell of the group… it lifted me up and I saw 10 feet of air below me.  I could sense this wasn’t going to be good.  I looked to my left and saw the wave form a curve… It got larger and I realized that I was in a really poor spot.  I was about 3/4 of the way up when I saw it cresting… just above me.

I wasn’t high enough to let the wave pass… It was going to come down on me.  I was already committed to this moment.

This is going to hurt.

[ I could feel myself tumbling under the water. ]

I clenched my eyes shut.  In the next 10 minutes I experienced a very painful, tiring and exhausting moment.  The sand started to blast at me and it was intensely painful and I couldn’t see.   I was dragged up to where I could barely stand on the sand, where the water was about 5 feet deep.  I stood up with my eyes stinging and I couldn’t open them.  I then realized I was facing the beach… [ Oh crap! ] as I felt the pull of the water on my body… And just as I turned to locate the wave… Bam... I went down smacking my head against something hard.

I was feeling an intense stinging sensation against the side of my face.  My body was tumbling and this time I couldn’t locate the surface.  I tried to relax, but this was a new experience and I was tense from it.   Shortly, my head popped up above the water, and I gasped for air and realized that I could stand on my toes… again I found myself facing the beach.  But I was treading water.  I quickly turned around and saw the water decrease from my chest all the way to my knees, causing me to stand. [ This was almost a pleasant euphoric sensation ].  It was a brief moment.  Now… I was looking at a wall of water that blocked the horizon.  I made an attempt to jump into the wave,  and just as I hit the wave I could feel it lifting me up.  I frantically tried to swim through it, but it brought me back with it and again I crashed again’st the sand.  This time, I was down. Tumbling blindly. Eyes stinging from the salt, sand and cuts.

I stopped moving as I was exhausted. I let myself float there so I could assess where I was at.  I could feel the water pulling me backwards so I calmly swam against it knowing I was being pulled into another wave.

This time I caught the wave a little better.   I got up on the wave but my board was dragging behind me and was strapped to my leg, causing the wave to drag me down into the sand just below the surface… unable to breath.  As I was under, I ripped off the board from my ankle and my body felt free to move again.  I was able to stand up, but I was so tired that it just brought me back down crawling the last stretch of the beach to the dry sand, and I just laid there.

Nobody saw this.  I was alone through this and nobody noticed that I was in trouble.

“Dude, why are you laying on the sand?”

To which I responded with a whimper.

To answer AmyMarie’s question… Somedays I look at the waves and just decide to sit on the sand and never get near the water… But other days, I look out and dream of the really good ride.   And I run back out and hit that really good wave.

But I learned a lesson… I reminded myself why I knew, that you should never look away from the waves.

I’ve hit the sand after that, but it wasn’t because I was looking it away.  It was because I was prepared to hit the sand.  And I rolled with it.

It’s the truth, love, compassion that I see.  The happiness and joy that awaits me.  But for me to be ready to receive it, I have to live it.  Joy will not come to me… I must seek it.

Brain is going into sabotage mode.  Self doubts are flying around me like those crazy monkeys from Wizard of Oz. At some point I’m afraid that one is going to catch me. and then it’s the military-like precession to dooom!

[ Of DoOOom! ]

This started last night.  I guess, I should of been forewarned. I mean, as I started to drift off, my body starting to jerk and clench.  It was already trying to fight off sleep.  I should of fought it off just a bit longer.  I was only asleep for a couple of hours when I had one of those crazy dream within a dream within a dream of craptasticulocity.  I woke up and my body was just hurting, with my left arm feeling like it had the crap kicked out of it [ odd I don't remember that bruise before ].  I started questioning why anyone would be willing to deal with this.  Heck, I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

I woke up, and literally it felt like I was bound to my bed, I could barely move. [ There has to be a Lifetime movie in here somewhere ]. Maybe someone could come up with something that is a cross between Wicked, Obsessed and My life? Wouldn’t that just be too awesome! A musical too! [ eh... I think I would skip it, actually ]

[ Damn... when will the dreams stop ]

I’m having this self doubt run through me, like Swift Crick on a cold spring day.. [ That's right... I said Crick! ] and it’s not that I’m worried about how I would love someone else, but it’s just that, how could someone love me?  Knowing that there is this stupid crazy baggage lingering around me.  I mean, it’s not like I could have this leave me.  You would have to be willing to watch me act “normal” in public situations and talk with dignity [ even smile ] act like nothing bad ever happened, and then in private watch me melt down… Yeah, I can read that match.com profile section now.

~sigh~

Oh… and every so often, have to witness me wake up from those dreams…

We will trip-hop into Houston, and then into Mexico City.  There we will quietly but briskly move to our next plane… Just hand over your passport and try not to agitate the guard… we can’t afford to stop.

Then up into the air.  On toward our landing in to San Jose, Costa Rica.

Quietly stunning

We will get in late, but the hotel will be waiting for us with daiquiri’s and the rooms will be more than pleasant. Were only staying here one night.  And then we wake up and bus it over to La Fortuna.  Now this bus ride will get fun as we will go over rickety bridges and down through riverbeds as some of the roads have not been repaired. [ Uh, and maybe over a few bridges with crocodiles under them... but we can keep driving ] Once in La Fortuna we will hike down to the water falls.

Then we will climb up on the rocks and swim a very warm river.  It’s not cold, and you don’t even feel a chill when you climb out.  I notice you looking overhead at the people who are zip-lining over the waterfall.  They are little ants in the sky.  [ Oh yes, we can do that too ]. The rain is soft and we sit underneath the tree watching others dive in and swim around.  We go to our 5 star Kioro hotel.  We stand outside looking up at the volcano right from our room.  The showers are wall-to-wall ceramic tile and the beds are the softest you will ever feel.  It’s peaceful. and the landscape is so green and beautiful.  With a mountain slope that ascends into clouds.

From there we spend the evening at Tabacón Grand Spa Thermal Resort.  Where all the water is heated by the volcano that sits right above it.  The water is hot and penetrating.  All aches or pains disappear and you wonder what all the fuss was about.

From La Fortuna, we drive to a corn field… [ Yeah! that's right.  We are flying out of corn field ]. Costa Rica’s finest (And monopolistic) airline will be our method of transportation and we will sit in a what feels likes a bus.  Seats with seatbelts included! [ Because they are all about the safety ]

The plane ride is 45 minutes, and we will cross the whole country during that time.  You get to see the clouds move around the volcanoes and trucks that feel a little too close. [ We aren't that high up ]

Yeah... I saved a life on those rocks...

But instead of landing in another corn field, we have a landing strip.  The pilots are pretty good, and we have a comfortable landing.

From here, we take another bus over to the ocean resort.  Where we spend 5 nights dining in the local restaurant listening to the most amazing guitarist play a 12 string, while his wife sips on a glass of wine across from him.  She is in love, you can tell.  We are watching the sun set over another beautiful day.

Each day is accompanied by excursions where we see wildlife.  We play in the ocean, or go sunbathing.  And we go out on schooner that takes us out to snorkel.  We are in the water and we see a stingray just feet below us zip on by.

We panic. [ Oh freak yeah! ]

And head back to the boat.  Where we watch the sunset over the water and they serve all-you-can eat fish.  With the sails up we hear the flapping of the wind as we look at the mountain sides of where our hotel is.

And when it is over, we will have a SD card’s full of photos and what would of been an amazing trip. In a country that is just undeniably awesome.

I will go back.

The story usually begins something like this:

Dude... I totally understand.

Friend: So why did you get a divorce?
Me: Bad things happened.

Friend: What do you mean? Bad things? Did she cheat on you?
Me: Well yes, but that’s not the bad things.

Friend: Then what?
Me: Just really bad things.
Friend: Okay… did she abuse you?
Me: Yeah…
Friend: What? Did she slap you? [ haha ]
Me: Something like that.

Friend: In all seriousness what are you talking about?
Me: Well. I used to wake up on the floor of the bathroom with the lights turned out and the door closed.
Friend: Why would you sleep in the bathroom?
Me: I didn’t.  That’s just were I woke up.

The first time, when you get seriously abused (Not slapped, not even punched… but severely) It changes you.  After she apologized and some of the healing began. I told her, “If you ever do that again, I will leave you.”  But…

[ Did I do something wrong? Is it my fault? ]

Your mind changes. You start to think your terrible. That somewhere in there it’s your fault.  So when it happened again, all you can do is close up, and just try and make it as little painful as possible. [ See, I didn't fight back. ]

In High School, I studied martial arts and was really quick and I could stop the punches.   When we first started dating, this became somewhat of a joke, as she would she would try and slap me, and I would block it. [ Later she actually told me she was frustrated with this ]

So, when the second time happened. I looked at her, and while she was swinging and kicking, I dropped my guard [ Intentionally ] and she cold clocked me, and I went down.  The world went fuzzy around me, and I could feel the extended blows as I drifted out… The pain went away… and then I came back.

In the flurry of my tears, I begged her to stop. I couldn’t get up. I begged.  It was ignored.

These moments changes you.

[ I did something wrong. It is my fault. ]

When ever the fights would began, I would try and get her to do it in the bathroom.  It was the farthest from the rest of the house.  And I didn’t want the kids to hear.  [ She had no qualms with having it out in the front room ]

She would be screaming at me, for something that was a miss-communication.  Her fear and anger was always there.  She lived in it.  It was her life. And when a miss-communication happened.  In her mind, it was her fears realized.

I would try and beg for her to calm down.  That the kids could hear her.  That she had it wrong [ You never tell her she is wrong. Never. ]. This of course would send her into a rage.  And since I wanted to fix everything. I would let her. Thinking, she will learn, she will know that this is wrong.  It can’t be my fault. She will know… I just know it.

[ I am wrong. It's my fault. ]

Then based on a really poor miss-communication, and her failure to comprehend what she was reading. She decided that she was going to cheat on me.  [ This wasn't new.  This was just the defining period of time ]

My head it the bedroom floor, and for the first time ever, I attempted to reach a phone. But I couldn’t I had no strength.  It was blinding. And as my eyes closed it was shaken away as my neck was grabbed like a kitten and my head was banged again’st the floor many times.

That is all I remembered.

Prior to this, was an argument.  Where I was declaring in anger that I didn’t believe her. That she had to be lying.

I woke up. It was dark. My eye was stinging and I could feel the softness of the bathroom rug. There was a pillow, but I don’t know how it got there. I slowly climbed to my knees.  I didn’t even want to look into the mirror.

I opened the door, from a crawl, to a darkened,  quiet and peaceful bedroom. The fan was blowing and I could see someone laying in the bed.  So I slowly climbed into the side of the bed. My body was hurting, my eye was stinging and neck felt like it had hot knives stabbing into it.   Then I felt a movement to the other side and the last thing I remembered for the night was the visuals of an impressive array of stars.

[ It isn't my fault ]

What changed me the most was that I wanted to be in love. I fell into the “I was in love, with being in love.”  I didn’t know how to do it anymore. I knew the rules and knew the tricks.  I knew how to touch.  But my mind was no longer in sync with my heart. I knew how to be in love, but I was now afraid, that being broken would find me as a damage person. Who wants to be a relationship with someone who is damaged? Who want’s a weakness in a man? I used to be extremely strong.  I had it all going on.  I loved and provided for and I even did the laundry, dishes, cleaned the house and made a pretty good living.  I made life pretty easy to live in. And I think I was a great father [ I still think so ] With a home filled with love, compassion and good strong, very loving father and husband.

I even slowed danced in the kitchen, and you know what that got me?  It got me wanting it back. That’s what it did.

There are moments, where my heart leaps, but it’s scared to jump.  I learned what jumping does when you aren’t prepared, and it is something that haunts me. [ See, I did not fully apply the words of my Ropes instructor to my life, until years later ]

Life always seems to want to remind us that it isn’t infinite.  It has a beginning and a end.  And then we are asked to figure out how to manage it.

At times we are alone hiking through the massive mountains and valleys of emotions, while at other times we share and support each other in the journey.  Leaning down to help with that awkward step, that if we weren’t there, would of caused one of us to slip.

Along the way, we have pebbles in our shoes, a blister, and it just started to rain and all you can do is stand under a tree until it passes.

And then, after what appears to be climbing 5 miles up a mountain side [ which humorously enough ] had a warning sign in the beginning, that said that no one will help you if you have problems, your knee gives out.

You stand there alone on the trail.

It really is that awesome

It hurts.  Your alone.  Your out of breath.  Your backpack easily falls off your shoulders and the hard rock begins to feel soft as you lean up against it.

And then you realize [ Stupid self-awareness ], that someone was supposed to be with you. They promised they would be there, that they would stand by you all the way.  You look up to see that they are no longer there.  And, you feel a sharp pain in your chest. [ But they promised? ] They promised slow dances along the trail.  They promised companionship and someone to lean on when mountain get’s tough.

You look around.  There gone.  Sometimes they were never there all along.  For others, they were there, and you depended on them. And then they decided that you were too slow for them. Or that you were too fast.  Either way, they jumped onto a different trail. [ And that blister still won't go away ]

And then for others.  Not only did you have these blisters, pebbles, and other painful experiences, but you were unlucky enough to have them around.  To only make the trail that much more difficult and painful.  You don’t want them there anymore, because of the pain they inflicted. [ Did they just trip me? ]

And then someone comes along, as you reached your lowest moment.  They lean out a gentle hand.  They are honest, they let you look deeply into their eyes.  You see that their hand is not asking to lead or follow.  But for that moment, they lift to bring you closer  [ The day is gone, and I'm the only light that you see ]. With enough effort, you are brought in closer.

And, with this journey you finally reach that destination, but funny enough the destination is by a beautiful lake, with fish in it.  Requiring both to work together. Because now, As a husband and wife you are taking care of a family. Together. During this time, their was slow dancing by the camp fire.  And early in the morning as the kids are asleep, the two of you climb up the hill and hand-in-hand, watch a new day rise.  And then at the end of the day,  the two of you sit together, buried into each other, watching the sun set.

And, then you start on your hike back.  Remember that knee?  You forgot that it was weak.  You are on your way back down and the knee gives.  It hurts.  But this time, it’s hard not to show the pain. [ Dust was in the air ] But as you sit next to that rock again.  That hand that was lifting you up in the beginning is now emptying out your 50 pound backpack and putting it in theirs.  He  takes the load the rest of the way. While your knee gains strength.

With the blister still there. And those pebbles now refined. You smile, and life at that point couldn’t get any better. And then… you realized that he did it, because he loves you.

Divorce usually encompasses two things.  Either infidelity or abuse. Abuse is the easy one, it’s devastating and is easy to say, you must get out.  It’s quick tempered, it’s emotional and physical.

A moment of silence... please.

Now infidelity at first sight doesn’t necessarily hold this view, and appears to be recoverable.  It can be fixed, if it is simple slip-up in judgment, right?

We want to believe sometimes that it’s a simple mistake. But, do you think it’s really just a slip-up?

If you look at the infidelity it’s not just a slip-up.  And it never “just happens”, if it does then they had no regard for the marriage, and have no qualms with NOT living a monogamous relationship. It means that it didn’t even cross their mind as a mistake, or if it did, they decided in a really short manner that it was worth it to satisfy their selfish desires.  Which still means that they had no interest in your well-being and the marriage.  In other words, they were not in love with you when they did this.

But this one can change.  They can come back into love once they recognize how it affected you.  But, do you want to be part of the healing process, and have to deal with the likelihood that they may fallback into their ways?  Because as some people have shown.  They are serial-cheaters, which means, they were never in love with the one they told world, that they were in love with.  [ *cough*Tiger*cough* ]

Now the other type of infidelity is the long drawn out well thought out affair. [ The Divorce Maker ]

This has to be the hardest.  It is the one, where it isn’t just about sex. It’s about a changing mind.  They are no longer in love with you, and has litterly rewired themselves to fall in love with someone else.

This… has to be painful. [ Gut kicked, with a hint of nauseousness? ]

If the person get’s caught, most likely they would not of changed on their own and is only reflecting on this decision, because they have no other choice.  You have brought it to their attention. They have been caught in all their lies and deceits.

Now, it is possible that this can be fixed, but again it will be painful. [ Will someone please stop punching me in the gut? ]

The person in the affair, will now have to fall out of love, and then in a really short time begin to work on their love with you.

When was the last time you broke up with someone, to only be a mess of heartache and pain [ Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before they breakup ], and have the yearning that you still want to be with them?

Those who have lost this, know how much it's worth.

Now, attach this to the affair, while watching from the sidelines.

After all has come out, in the beginning, your not the one who will need to deal with this, it’s between him and the other woman. You can coach him, kick him, yell at him and convince him that the game is supposed to be with you… But really, your watching, as it’s up to him to decide if he wants to continue to play with you.

You are on the receiving end of this new broken heart, and he isn’t broken over you.  He is broken over the other lost love.  Which means, that he may not come back.  His desire to be with this other person, will most likely bring about a divorce, with you holding the emotional bag of craptasticulocity. [ I invent words ]*

The question comes, do they want to be re-wired?  Do you want to be involved in this?  Do you have the strength, to deal with them not loving you right at that moment, in hopes that they come around and love you later?

In addition to the pains of a broken heart, cheating does one thing to you that is just as powerful as any abuse out there.  They have withheld love from you.  You are the shell of the person you once where, You are drained of your strength and your exhausted from the anger due to starving you from the need to be loved.  And they did it quietly and “innocently” without any true recognition that you were crushed until it’s too late.

Withholding love is the far right, while abuse is on the far left. This is terrible, as both are extremes, which leads to deeply saddened and broken marriages.

Either way, the choice to try go along with the correction is up to you [ If they decide to fix it... BIG IF ], and it will be a big complicated mess They may lie and say that they want it to work out, or they may be telling the truth, but the problem with lying is that to believe, requires another leap of faith, in hopes that they are now being honest.

There is no easy answer, and it really depends on how sincere and contrite they are, and this is easy to judge after you decide to look.  We give chances with hopes for change, but there does come a time, when for our happiness and our children’s happiness, we have to decide that  they will become someone else’s problem.

[ Invent Words ]* craptasticulocity.  To consist of, pertaining to, or containing a defining characteristic of crap

Oh My…

I heard a small portion of Christmas In The Heart on my way to work, on a local station, and immediately decided that I was going to have to listen to this.

Oh the regrets we have…

Are those letters... bleeding?

I’ve decided that my first instinct’s are way wiser than I give them credit for.  I had a feeling of atrociousness but I ignored it.  Obviously I’ve had this problem before, and you would think that I would learn my lesson.

Oh no.  No lessons learned here… Well maybe… Hmmm, nope I’ve got nothin’.

So Christmas time is coming up in little over a month. I thought it would be a good time to see what Bob had to offer in the way of mood music for the upcoming snowy days.

So I downloaded Bob Dylan – Christmas In The Heart from Rhapsody.

First thing that’s up is “Here Comes Santa Claus.” It starts out nicely. It get’s my head bobbing.  And then I hear…

What the…?!!!!

Oh Bob… What have you done to Christmas?!!!!

It’s weird and creepy. Okay, let’s move along to “Do You Hear What I Hear?”

BOB?!!?! What are you doing!

Your killing Christmas! “Do ya her wa I her?”  What are you saying Bob? What are you saying?  Oh, I get it!  Your Lampooning me.  Oh I see! It will be okay.  I’m laughing.  Oh this is funny.    But, I think I will skip to the next song.

[ Dang you Bob, now I'm in Shock and Denial. ]

Ah, now this is nice. “Winter Wonderland” Now that’s some background singers.  Nice clear tones… wait, it’s too nice.  This isn’t going to be good, I thought.

AIEEHHHA!!! NOOOOO!!!!

I’m done.  Bob your done.  Your dead to me. I want to know who your producer is.  I’m going sue him,  so that he will never have enough money to convince you to sing another album like this again.

Oh wait, I think we have a good song… Now this song sounds like fun.

“Must Be Santa.” Now this funny.

Okay.  I take it back, this album isn’t a complete failure.  This song is definitely funny.

Who’s got a big red cherry nose. Who laughs this way “Ho, Ho, Ho.”   Ho, Ho Ho, cherry nose.

Pure polka awesomeness…

And with that one funny song, I give this album a “D”. For drunken karaoke singer.  It doesn’t get an F, due to the awesome back ground singers who had to stand behind him and that one funny song.

And to see what others said about this album, I did a search and found this Rolling Stone Review.  Oh Rolling Stone, did we even listen to the same music?  He sings without a hint of gravel? This is Bob Dylan.  That gravel is his trademark.  And, why didn’t you mention “Must Be Santa”.  It’s the awesomesauce! You couldn’t at least plug the best song on the album?  At least the comments put it into perspective.

[ Sigh... ]

And… Wha?!?!? Did his voice crack, I went from funny to this?  It almost sounded like he was going to cry on “Hark The Herald Angels Sing?”

Thanks for bringing me back down to reality.

Cause I’m going to cry too  Bob… I’m going to cry too.

If I turn to the left, it’s there.  If I turn to the right… It’s there.

I’m told that it’s my fault, that it’s staring me down.  [ Ha! Think I'm taking the rap for this one? I don't think so ]

So I grab one.

It’s like I’m staring at the oreo that fell onto the floor. It’s past the 5 second rule, and you ponder if you should eat it.  The clock keeps ticking and we all know about the 10 second rule.

Yet, you still want to eat it.

Now this is my kind of oreo!

What would it hurt, if I just opened it up.  It’s not like it’s pandora’s box or something? What could go wrong?

And, now, we are at the 15 second rule.  That oreo, doesn’t have any major funk.  I brushed off the small bits of hair, [ WHAT!!!! A HAIR?!! ].  Okay there wasn’t a hair on it, but I brushed carpet lint off it, and stared it down again.

You look okay, little buddy, I will clean you up… There, there, nobody’s going to drop you again.

You turn it around looking at every angle to make sure you see nothing.  You find a dent where it hit.  No worries, a dent won’t kill you, right?

Plus, it’s not like it landed in a bad place.  It was well protected from the environment, just a soft landing.

And really why wouldn’t…

Friend: Wait! why are you telling me this story?

Well, I know that you were upset when it fell.

Nom, nom, nom

Friend: Did you just eat it?

Mmmm, yeah!!

Friend: Are you kidding me? That landed on the floor!

Well, I made it before the 15 second rule

Friend: Dude! That only applies if it landed on the floor in the house.  Not a car!

Oohhhh…

I don’t feel so good.

Friend: You’ve got to be kidding me.  Are you really?  Did you really just eat more halloween candy after that oreo?

Uhhh, yes… duh.  It was staring at me, remember?

You know when you wake up, and you just don’t want to get up? No? Never had this happen?

Then you are missing out.

Uh... I'm sure, he stubbed his toe or something

It’s awesome feeling! To be so tired, that you just want to rollover and ignore the world.  It can’t just be me.  No it is?  You get up at the crack of dawn (Hawaii Time) and have more accomplished in the next three hours than the average, normal person? And, you just cured runny noses while you were eating breakfast?

So, I woke up. [ Up at the crack a-lackin dawn baby! ] And, began to put the weight of the world on my shoulders again.

Since, my brain was still firing on a low voltage, I wasn’t all there.  But, that didn’t stop me from trying to delve into the worlds problems.

I’ve almost figured out how to turn oxygen into carbon dioxide… W00t!

Clearly a Tuesday morning deserves nothing less than to have heavy thoughts on my mind.  But what I wanted to think about never made it. As I wasn’t fully conscious.  The world decided to bring me back to the realm of conscious, in a way that only a trained eye would observe. I should have realized that locating the closet when I was bleary eyed and tired, was only going to cause chaos and pain… And, oh did I say pain already?  Unfortunately, I wasn’t observant, and my trained eye… well it was half closed and it still needed some extra training.

[ Didn't I take an online course for that?! ]

So I didn’t get to learn anything valuable from the situation, except maybe… hmmm, well, nope. I’ve got nothin’.  After cursing at what I thought was some stars… I believe I was moving on.  Trying to ignore the pain..

[ Ignorance is sweet, sweet bliss ]

Or at least I tried.  Which all led to a moment that almost took away my man-card.

What’s this? Is this pain?

When I wrapped my Yaris around the tree it hurt less. Well maybe not, but my body was in shock, and pain meds where in affect before consciousness.  My brain, was trying to tell me something…

AHHHH!!!!! My brain just registered… ARGGGHHH! The door hit me in the eyebrow.  The one that was just healing from the…

Oh, the freaking pain!

And then there was knock at the door.  Oh crap, it’s them! They are going to take my man-card away. I’m not crying!  Go away.

Sir, we know your about too cry, and you’ve been a pansy lately.  So you need to open up and hand it over.

But I wrapped a car around a tree, and those weren’t tears.  It was fluids! And, and I just hit the last bruise from the wreck, with this stupid door.  It really, really hurts!

Sir…

No! Go away.  I’m not crying!

Sir. We know your eyes are watering. Just let it go, get out that good cry.

Fine!  Take it away.  See if I care.

We are not going to ask again.  Your pansy Men’s Wearhouse card is not your man-card.

Dude, I’m fine, I’m over it.  It’s all better. See, it’s all good.

…

Fine, give me a sec and I will give…

I wonder if they realize that I sneaked out the window.