First rule of any new artist is to make sure their name is spoken in their very first hit.

Why is that?  Well so it’s possible to go, “Who is that? That song is awesome!”  While boosting the ego of the artist.  Everyone will associate that song with you. [ For good... or for bad ]

So congratulations Jason DeRulo! on bringing the world your gem “Watcha Say”. Your newest/latest song is played everywhere.

You want to know why I hate this song.  If you listen closely Jason [ Since I'm assuming he is talking about himself  ] is caught cheating on his girl, and BECAUSE he got caught, he starts backpedaling, trying to get her to take him back.

And the worse thing is? He samples Immogen Heap.  Now if anyone has heard her music, you quickly grow to like the sound.  And Jason decides, “hey! if I can use this song, then she must forgive me! It’s got awwwwwww written all over it!” [ Great... ]

So if we break down this wonderful song, we can figure out what he is trying to do:

“So let me in. Give me another chance to really be your man.
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out, I just didn’t know what to do. but when I become a star we’ll be living so large I’ll do anything for you. so” [ Emphasis is mine ]

And there we have it folks.  Jason, which I’m still assuming is a song about himself [ See bold emphasis ], got caught cheating.  Because when the truth came out, he pretty much says, “Hey baby! you are going to be living large, when I’m a star.” Yeah, so she has to take him back now, because… he just told her that she won’t have nothin’ without him.  [ Nice job Jason... yah jerk ]

” Girl, tell me whatcha said. I don’t want you to leave me. Though you caught me cheatin’, tell me, tell me whatcha said. I really need you in my life cuz things ain’t right”

You know what first comes to mind when I read crap like this? Dude! Your trying to figure out what she said, so you can then go and twist it!  So you can weasel your way back into her life.  [ By the way, I had the nickname weasel in High School... you guess why ]

This whole song is one mental mind trip.  Where he is using a really good sampled song, and trying to bleed his heart out, so she can spill all the beans on what she knows. And in the end, all he is doing is quilting her and waiting for the right moment to twist and lie to her, in a effort to try and get her back. [ And threatening her with taking away a status is no bueno ]

This song is whole loads of suckage and reminds me why it’s so freaking hard to date when women get treated like this…

And to all the women out there… if a GUY tries to use this song to get you back… he is a lying weasel of a man… and you have been warned.

And Jason, stop writing crap songs that remind women why men [ like you ] suck.

I think I’m officially done with the lame-crap music that’s out right now, and nobody epitomizes this more than Lady Gaga.  Funny really, I saw a performance of her pre Lada Gaga days and she sounds like a normal bar sounding singer.  And then she went all cross between Madonna, Brit Brit Spears and Adam Lambert [ Except Adam showed up after her ] or maybe it was Adam that is a cross between her, Brit Brit  and Madonna.  Either way. It’s all just ick for me.  Oddly enough Britney Spears is actually pretty good on her latest… [ What am I saying?! ]

[ Cranking up the soundtrack to 500 Days of Summer ]

There.  My Indie creds are back. And not only that, it’s a great album.

I do listen to a lot of music.  And the the only reason I will watch Katy Perry’s Waking up in Vegas, is because it’s got nerd extraordinaire Joel Moore in it. Poor guy, after doing a movie with Paris Hilton, it must be a little difficult to get a job. [ Except he did a little film called Avatar... I heard that it did okay ]

Oh, back to Lady Gaga… who in their right mind would like to see a woman fake bleeding to death on stage… [ Sweet! were do I get tickets? ]

Oops, I was just told I have to retract that thought… I didn’t want those tickets anyways… [ ick! ]

What the weirdest thing about Bad Romance is, is the lack of full thoughts…  if you listen to the lyrics, all you can do is scratch your head wondering… did I miss something?

And then I realized I didn’t, because I wouldn’t even want that kind of relationship.  I’m getting to old for whacked out girls who border on psycho. And I’m just going to have to pass on the whole “lover’s revenge” and no! You can’t have my psycho! It’s mine, and I don’t share well.   [ Okay, I'm lying, I do ], but there is nothing to share in that category. Which I would imagine is going to be just fine.

“Hi, this is Travis with A Culminating Life…”

Right around the time THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS was getting put together Wes Anderson decided to direct, and along with Noah Baumbach, write the stop-motion film Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Stop-motion is an interesting technique, which was utilized very well in movies like Nightmare Before Christmas (Weirdly and awesomely odd) and more recently Coraline ( My kids didn’t sleep that night – Thanks Henry Selick! – Oh the sisters! It burns!!! )

So, by it’s nature, stop-motion seems to enjoy skipping hand-in-hand, with it’s director, in the daisy-like fields of eccentricity [ See above ]. Stop-motion provides a different point of view, in relationship to humor.  The jerkiness, shortness or even the smoothness of puppet’s movement can be directly applied to physical humor, which this movie has in abundance.

So, prior to the conference call with Jason Schwartzman to discuss the movie and his role as Ash…   I did what I do best [ It's a curse really ]..  I spent time watching trailers. Here is the trailer for Fantastic Mr. Fox. So for your enjoyment:

I agree, existentialism sounds illegal. And scary too!

Felicity “Liccy” Dahl the widow of Roald Dahl (Author of Fantastic Mr. Fox and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) opened her doors, and had her archivist assist Wes Anderson in being able to get all touchy-feely with the original manuscripts and to be immersed in the surroundings of the Gypsy House and the Dahl’s famous writing hut.   Which to some, would be seen as an OCDetic paranoia [ New word!* ]. The access required a double-wash with a special soap.  This of course has just a slightly different meaning for all you Archivists out there.  Really? I wonder what the certification test for that is like.  I swear the profession caters to the OCD in all of us.

[ On a side note,  I'm sure that we're tight,  so I can probably just call her Liccy... ]

In reviewing all the materials, I wondered how the story was going to pan out.  The book is slim on content and would need to be expanded upon, and areas would need to be fleshed out for a movie adaption.  So, I was getting worried.  But alas! As the director Wes Anderson put it,

“so we knew we had to invent a lot. But as we did it, all we wanted to do was to try and write something that we hoped Roald Dahl would think was suitable and fit with what he has invented in the first place. We were trying to write a Roald Dahl movie. I mean, we’re not going to think up the same jokes that Roald Dahl would, and we’re bringing our own personalities to it. But our goal was to try and do a Roald Dahl story.”

Look at that picture in the background... Pure Awesome!

One thing that I really liked about the choice of using puppets and stop-motion, is how it feels like your seeing a book come to life.   I really appreciate the artistic choice.  Like how the movements aren’t smooth, and when you see facial movements, it causes your eyes to want to look for all the other minute variances. You also get micro-fiber outfits and real clothing.  I think it’s a great choice for this book.

Anderson and Noah Baumbach (frequent writing partner) decided to remove the four unnamed cubs from the book and replace it with a cub that would have a substantial role in the overall narrative of the movie.

Hi Travis, this is [ Censored ]*. We are just waiting for the moderator to come on and then he will introduce Jason.

So Ash came to life in this adaption.

Ash, who is played by Jason, and who we got to interview for this article, is a 12 year old looking for his father’s approval.  He is a bit geeky, awkward and doesn’t have a great deal of ankle strength. And his upper body strength may or may not be up to par.  But who am I to judge. Ash attempts to make an awesome attempt at freeing someone with his killer body strength.

Which, uh… didn’t really work out the way he planned.

As the moderator came on, introductions where made.  I’m sure Jason will remember me, when I’m making a frantic, “Remember me, I was on that conference call once,  you said that you liked to dig holes.  Remember?” Cause, I will be at the next red carpet event.

Just waiting for those tickets…

[ Don't forget you have my address.  You can send them there... Call me? ]

Yeah, I’m sure that will get some special attention. By at least two people.

The moderator got to pick 3 questions from the group and wouldn’t you know it… they picked one of mine.  Good and bad.  Since, I had a head cold and the Sudafed didn’t kick in yet.

The first question came from Ashley Cooper from Optimistic Cynicism. With her question, ” Can you relate to your character Ash from the film, and if so, how?”

And then it happened…

… Basically I’m the son of George Clooney and Meryl Streep…

I don't think my kids will appreciate how cool your room is...

Wha?! And there you have it, Jason Schwartzman just confirmed what we knew to be true.   He is the son of George Clooney and Meryl Streep. We were there to have this massive news unveiled to us.   TMZ,  if you want the exclusive, just give me a call. You know how to reach me.

Due to the way he said it, he had just enough of a pause,  that he jokingly referred to it as him coming out.   It was pretty funny.

It was lighthearted conversation about how he can relate to his character.  How it’s okay to be yourself.

“He doesn’t really know who he is and wants his father’s love and approval,”

“I want to be a great athlete like my dad, and I want to be smart like him. I want recognition. My character’s whole story line is coming to terms with who he is. And I think that’s what the movie’s about. It’s being okay with who you are. And the thing that makes you different is the thing that makes you special. In the end, it turns out that my smallness and my differences save some lives.”

My turn came up, and I got to ask this question, “It appears that the humor in the movie aims to be at both adults and children. How do you think this adaption of the book appeals to those audiances.”

I really liked his response.  [ And on another side note, I'm impressed that he can do these events all morning and still be chipper ]

Everything is more awesome with a mask!

I learned that he really loves this movie and he really loved the book.   He has done a lot of work with Wes Anderson, and he really liked the work done on this.  With him stating that it was a great marriage of Wes Anderson and Roald Dahl.

There was over 125,000 still images with hundreds of animators and it took over three years. [ Holy freak! ]

He went into his youth, and how he loved to dig holes.  Immediately I was thinking about all the hills that I dug out three foot holes.   Wanting to say, “Yeah, me too. and some additional witty humor”

I choked.  I don’t want to talk about it.  Let’s move along shall we?

The third question came from Dawn Krutt from Peeling An Orange With a Screwdriver. “What was your favorite part of the movie.”

Sshhh, your getting the inside scoop.  Jason is talking about a scene that shows up later in the movie… We got special access.  Yup! His favorite part of the movie can be found in one of the trailers if you pay attention. I didn’t realize that it was at the end until Jason brought it up and I don’t want to give it away, but I think it’s very funny and heartwarming.

It was great experience to ask Jason my question.  He had comfortable presence, and I really enjoyed the opportunity.

When I first saw the posters and trailer, I didn’t know if I would like another puppet stop-motion movie.  After spending some time understanding what Wes was doing,  I’ve started getting anxious for it come to a theater here in Madison, as it looks pretty good. And of course, so I can take my kids. Because… that’s who I…

Fine. I almost forgot that I would take them. You got me. I was going to go on opening night, but now, I’m going to wait to take my kids.

FANTASTIC MR. FOX is now playing in select cities and opens nationwide on Thanksgiving.

–
[ Censored ]* Name dropping is a crime.
[ New word! ]* OCD + Therapeutic. Mix that with paranoia and you get… My brain hurts.

Oh My…

I heard a small portion of Christmas In The Heart on my way to work, on a local station, and immediately decided that I was going to have to listen to this.

Oh the regrets we have…

Are those letters... bleeding?

I’ve decided that my first instinct’s are way wiser than I give them credit for.  I had a feeling of atrociousness but I ignored it.  Obviously I’ve had this problem before, and you would think that I would learn my lesson.

Oh no.  No lessons learned here… Well maybe… Hmmm, nope I’ve got nothin’.

So Christmas time is coming up in little over a month. I thought it would be a good time to see what Bob had to offer in the way of mood music for the upcoming snowy days.

So I downloaded Bob Dylan – Christmas In The Heart from Rhapsody.

First thing that’s up is “Here Comes Santa Claus.” It starts out nicely. It get’s my head bobbing.  And then I hear…

What the…?!!!!

Oh Bob… What have you done to Christmas?!!!!

It’s weird and creepy. Okay, let’s move along to “Do You Hear What I Hear?”

BOB?!!?! What are you doing!

Your killing Christmas! “Do ya her wa I her?”  What are you saying Bob? What are you saying?  Oh, I get it!  Your Lampooning me.  Oh I see! It will be okay.  I’m laughing.  Oh this is funny.    But, I think I will skip to the next song.

[ Dang you Bob, now I'm in Shock and Denial. ]

Ah, now this is nice. “Winter Wonderland” Now that’s some background singers.  Nice clear tones… wait, it’s too nice.  This isn’t going to be good, I thought.

AIEEHHHA!!! NOOOOO!!!!

I’m done.  Bob your done.  Your dead to me. I want to know who your producer is.  I’m going sue him,  so that he will never have enough money to convince you to sing another album like this again.

Oh wait, I think we have a good song… Now this song sounds like fun.

“Must Be Santa.” Now this funny.

Okay.  I take it back, this album isn’t a complete failure.  This song is definitely funny.

Who’s got a big red cherry nose. Who laughs this way “Ho, Ho, Ho.”   Ho, Ho Ho, cherry nose.

Pure polka awesomeness…

And with that one funny song, I give this album a “D”. For drunken karaoke singer.  It doesn’t get an F, due to the awesome back ground singers who had to stand behind him and that one funny song.

And to see what others said about this album, I did a search and found this Rolling Stone Review.  Oh Rolling Stone, did we even listen to the same music?  He sings without a hint of gravel? This is Bob Dylan.  That gravel is his trademark.  And, why didn’t you mention “Must Be Santa”.  It’s the awesomesauce! You couldn’t at least plug the best song on the album?  At least the comments put it into perspective.

[ Sigh... ]

And… Wha?!?!? Did his voice crack, I went from funny to this?  It almost sounded like he was going to cry on “Hark The Herald Angels Sing?”

Thanks for bringing me back down to reality.

Cause I’m going to cry too  Bob… I’m going to cry too.

Sigh… I awaited with bated breath….

Not really. But I really enjoyed this show.

I did.  But something was off when I caught the latest episode.

I see dead shows... ~sniffle~

But I think it’s me.  No really.  I love you, I really do.  But I’m afraid.  I’m starting to see a pattern, and the last time I saw this pattern, it ended in heartache.  And, I’m not ready for this pain again.

It started with Chuck, not Chuck, but Charlotte Charles. Yah know, Chuck? Once dead, but was brought back to life by her childhood friend who really has a crush on her, but then when the show just started to go into la la land,   she knew he loved her, and then it was just awkward stress of hiding this weird scenario from everybody else.

But it was awesome…. A ball of doughy goodness. Topped with a cherry.  On a flaky crust of wholesome creepy awesomeness.  Farewell Pushing Daisies.

And here we are.  Glee.  Why do you have to be so weirdly awesome… I can’t take the cycle again. So let’s do a quick run through:

Will Schuester has a crush on Emma Pillsbury, but she has a paranoia with cleanliness and is a clean freak on the edge of OCD. Then we have Sue Schuester, who is Will’s wife, and she is faking a pregrency.  Yeah. Hmmm. Not weird yet?

Of course we have Quinn Fabray.  Who is pregnant.  Whom the teacher’s wife is using to actually have a child with.  Then we have Finn Hudson.  The football/glee hero, who got Quinn pregnant.  He is so tired, that he needs a pick me up… And get’s terrible advice and a little blue “vitamin” pill from the new nurse.  Who just happens to be Will’s wife… Sue.

Phew, and not just that! We get this all wrapped up in an awesome score of Bon Jovi mashed up with Usher.

It’s my life, it’s now or never… I ain’t going to live forever. Cause these are my confessions.  I thought I said all I could say.

Now that’s an awesomely rich explosion of music awesomeness!

Did I just say awesome twice?

Who cares.  I’m going to throw caution to the wind.  And, have a whirlwind relationship with a new show.  It’s like a new relationship.  Bright. Shiny and can’t do no wrong.  You are perfect.. I know that this time we will last forever.

Because if there is two things America needs right now, that is sunshine and optimism… and also angels.

Don’t we all, and you know what?  I think we will work.   Cause, you had me at…

Dear Journal.  Feeling listless again today.  It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones.  Breaking my juicer [ she sighs ]. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster…

Wow, it was just like Deja Vu.  Like every gym coach that I have ever known… Yup sure is…  Well maybe not, but when she describes people like this:

Mentally ill Ginger Pygmy, with eyes like a bush baby.

Your doomed with having one hurt Ginger Pygmy and a coach to blame for it.

This is going to be quirky, awkward and very uncomfortable. In the most hilarious of ways… Here’s to a long relationship!

And, just for you, the tired, exhausted listener who just put their kids to bed -  Mind you, it is 10PM and it’s a school night – But, you just fought each one, trying to get them to finish dinner.  Then fought there way through a bath, listening to them bawling, that there is “No Soap”, even though it’s sitting right there.

You know… right there… No, right there.  To your left. Your other left.

Then found out, that if they passively ignore you, and pretend you don’t exist, that you will go away…  Umm, yeah, right. You can see through that like it’s Wisconsin Swiss cheese. (Mmm, cheese). So they finish up there pool excursion, and you tell all the kids to get out of the pool and get their PJ’s on.

But,  for a second, you think, “Just 15 minutes.  That will be cool, I could use a 15 minute nap.”

Too which you woke up jolted, bleary eyed seeing that it’s 9PM. And… It’s quiet.

Which makes you panic, to the point of near insanity.  You jump up, run out, and there they are.  All awake, quietly fighting.

What? Quietly fighting?

Arguing which is better, the Suite life of Disney or iNick.  Both being low doses of  crack, I tell ya.  You now fight to get them all into there beds, but unbeknown to you, they were hungry and grabbed the bag of cereal.

And, of course one of them, can’t stand dry cereal so she makes a bowl… which somehow made it’s way into the couch…. What! Nobody did it? Anybody care to explain?

“Doesn’t matter, your all going to bed!”

Except the  youngest who just caught an episode, of, you guessed it, “Scary theater for children between 10-15″,

So, the fascinating thing about the... Oh Look A Chicken!

He is five, so everything is scaring him. Which requires you to battle the demons of the closet for 20 minutes, at 5 minute intervals.  Until you bring out this raggedy sweater, that you just beaten with a broom.  That’s right! Way to show this sweater who’s the boss, and that you mean business!  Because, dang right!  Your not taking any monster’s crap tonight!

And now that you’ve settled at your computer, to catch the latest in the ever growing world of bloggery,  you here, “STOP it, your bugging me.”

Sigh.

Off to now battle the monsters of a different sort.

“Go. To Bed!”

And, then 5 minutes later, it’s quiet again.  A good quiet, the kind where you hear the crickets, and the floor squeaks, and peace has returned from a land to far away to recall.

And you now sit down. To try again, and figure out what the blogosphere is talking about, but you forgot what you were doing.

Wait, what were we talking about again?  The head bobbing, sleep deprived, and yearning for the soft goodness of a pillow…

And now, for your reading pleasure,  here is the Insomniacs Parental Guide review to Keri Hilson’s “Knock You Down” with very special guests Kanye West and Ne-Yo.

All I can say is, thank you Kanye, for that excellent performance.  Because, we all hate having “hate” served on a platter.  It won’t be dessert, but probably a disaster.

Commander and Chief of my Pimps, flying high? Wonder how much that pays?

Okay, what?  She shot the bullet? The pimp in me just died tonight?

Yes, Ne-Yo, it did take a little of my life, from me tonight,  I won’t get these moments back.  Maybe with my luck, I will be so tired, that I will forget this even happened.

Maybe, if I get knocked down, then I will get  back up, which knocked me down. Because Love comes around, which knocks me down, I could buy the Clapper.  Well Keri, that’s a love, that keeps on rockin’!

Sigh.

This review of Keri Hilson “Knocks You Down,” was brought to you by the letter L. For the rockin’ roller coaster of Love.