So my tribute to my father went live on Singlemommyhood.com today. If you haven’t read it, take a moment to jump on over there and give it a perusal. I’ll wait…

Singlemommyhood.com Father’s Day Tribute [ Still waiting... no worries ]

As life goes, this post @Singlemommyhood went through a couple of revisions, tweeking, and given the glistening look that makes you want down a Coke and then do a “That was awesome, lets do another.”

[ Mmmm Coke from the south of border... ]

But for every story there is a story behind the story.  Some things got left out and where trimmed down.  Originally Rachel asked me to write 300 words.  I came back with 750 words.  Cause… I passed 300 words in the first 5 minutes.

I knew it would be trimmed down, and acknowledged that when I submitted it.

And it turned out very well.

Writing has always been one of those things that I really, really struggled with. [ No, really I sucked at it ]. But I loved to write. I didn’t do too well in school and struggled at it. [ Exciting story nevertheless ] And it didn’t help that when I actually attempted to write and wrote something awesome that the teacher told me I plagiarized it, and that I couldn’t have possibly written it.  I was devastated because for the first time I really put some thought in it.  And I turned to computers as a career choice over becoming a screenwriter.

Blogging has been my outlet for trying again, and again I fell in love with it.  If I could do this as a career and if this site could make money, I would be doing this all day, every day.

Of course my over-analyzing, OCDetic perfectionism really attacks me full on when I have to write for someone else, because I think it isn’t good enough. That it could of been better.  Even my own writing for my own blog goes through 3 revisions before I hit publish.  [ My Girlfriend tells me that I need to just let it go ]

Hmmm, maybe that’s one of the reasons why I have been falling in love with her.  I think she knows I appreciate how she loves me even with my crazy ticks [ She paused me once and said, "Man, do I love you" ] of course silly me, “Why?” But because she loves me, she goes into great detail why.

And of course, she will txt message me when I’m not near her and she will ask me, “Why do you love me?”  and the only fair and valid response is a message where I tell her in great detail why.

But it’s these two things, that has been the back story to my Father’s Day tribute. While trying to work on my writing, I’m also working on a relationship.

And, I look at how I want this relationship to go, and I look back to my father and my mother, and how they are still happily married, and how we as their children are eternally grateful for it, cause now, that my mind is settling back down, and I’m brushing off the pain of the past,  I know who to look to, to remind me what I need to do to have a relationship.

Anybody else hear the crickets? Or cicada’s for those Midwest readers?

Life has been a whirlwind of one-after-another of very life changing events.  It has affected my ability to write, and for the longest I couldn’t do it. I felt life differently and now I’m ready to open the flood gates.

First of the life changing events is that I’m now in a LDR… with my kids.

This was something that was always in the back of my mind. Family and friends where all 1400 miles away from me.  A request on the weekend of my birthday by my family and a special note from my sister [ I imagine she doesn't realize what she said ] just wouldn’t stop leaving my mind all weekend.  And by the end of my trip with my family I made the decision to return and be closer to them.  This of course raised the obvious question, “What about the kids?” and it was tough beyond measure to figure out what to do.  I got all “analytical” and weighed in all the placement time that I currently had, and how much time I could get by having them with me in the summer. and the math said it all. I would actually have more continuous time with my kids if I left where I was at.  Being closer to family also meant that they could see them more often, and get to see more of their cousins, aunts and grandparents.

So I did it, with in three days I was unemployeed persuing a new job, and with the finalization of the background checks I should start employeement in 7 days.

I made it back to see my kids this past weekend for my sons graduation.

It was a great time, and I had nothing but fun and enjoyment with being with my kids for this amount of time.  We played Mario Party [ Still love the Gamecube ] till we couldn’t function any longer and then my oldest drove me to the airport to return home. [ United... you suck on so many levels... ] other than the brain malfunctions at United, which came across to me as being the most disfunctional airline that I have ever been on, I made it home.

And then love, which seems to have elluded me for so long, as I couldn’t feel the vibe that I needed to feel.  I’ve always told myself that love has to come first before anything.  It has to be strong, it has to be what exists first.  To know that no matter what happens in this life, she would be there, and still want to slow dance with me when I’m old and grey, and feel her gentle hands on the back of my neck as she looks into my eyes with that twinkle.

Has anyone ever noticed that when a woman is in love, there is this twinkle in her eye? It’s crazy awesome to see to know that it is you she is looking at when she has this look in her eyes. I’ve seen it more than once, but when I saw it with others it scared me, it didn’t feel right and I didn’t feel it for her when it happened.  But…

There is one that has caught my breath when she looked at me like that, and held me like this, and wrapped her arms around me like so, and then I saw the twinkle like such, and life became that much more amazing.

My father was a communication’s major. His career was in talking with people.  Still does it to this day.  His ability to communicate was important in my life, because he could communicate to my mom and they talked all the time.  I never saw my dad argue or get in a fight and we as kids always saw a unified front.  When it came to what my mother said, we never questioned it.  It’s because I knew that I could never play my parents off each other, no matter how hard I tried.

When I got into high school, I started making mistakes, and I would get upset at my parents for “not caring” and that they never got angry at me as parents. [ Oh am I thankful they didn't ] but I could get my mom angry at me, I knew how to push her buttons.  And sometimes I pushed because I wanted to test her, I wanted to see how far I could go before she would decide to stop loving me.  And I portrayed a lot of angst in the home [ Back before emo was cool... ] but outside the home? around my friends? I never really did anything bad. I was never angry, was pretty happy.  I didn’t make big mistakes until I was 19.  But I pretended that I did. All to see how she would respond.

When I was 12 I read a book.  Too this day I can not remember the title, and every so often I will head over to Google and search for it based upon the concepts.  This book was hard for me to read.  It was about a boy who wanted to fly, so he built some wings and he would sit up in a tree.  A bunch of kids showed up and started teasing him. And in the last ditch effort to be free from the pain he felt, he jumped, wings spread out.  Attempting to fly away with these boys mocking him and throwing stones at him.  Unfortunatly, he did not take flight and fell to the ground, bruised, broken and futher tormented, I couldn’t read anymore.  My chest hurt. I couldn’t hold back the tears, and ran upstairs and I just buried my head into my mom and cried, and I couldn’t get past the tears to tell her what happened.  But my mom, she just held me, wrapping her arms around me and waited patiently to learn what caused me all this pain.

So I told her the story.  Filled with tears and sadness, I told her I couldn’t finish the book.  She looks at me, hugs me and tells me, “Travis, you have a sensitive heart.”

This moment, in all the moments of my youth, is burned into my mind, and spirit.  I tend to be very laid back by nature, I don’t like to jump to conclusions and I prefer to study the problem before deciding what to do.  And a lot of that has to do with my mom, who gave me the comfort as a small child and with her patience and desire to listen.  She reminded me that I too, need to have patience and to remind me that I need to have a desire to listen.  It is my only hope, that I can pass on to my children and all that are in my circle of family, a desire for them to want to test me, and attempt to push my buttons, so that I can be tried and tested and come out shining like my mother did.

My mom is one of the greatest women in the world, and by some chance, one that I do not fully understand, 6 children got to be blessed to have her as a mother.  Her love for all of us, is a constant, and can be felt in the words she speaks and how she speaks it, and the hugs she still gives.

To my mom on this glorious Mother’s Day. I love you.

~Travis

Words. They are thrown around like we don’t know what we are talking about.  We say words like “I Love You” and we don’t even really know what it means.  Yet, it initially makes women sigh, cry and make them feel like they are walking on air. Which is just the initial reactions to love.  Wait until a woman is so ingrained with there love, that when they cry… it is so painful to watch that you just want to lay down by them and allow them to bury their heads in your chest. Crying and holding on to you.

Love is really about layers.  Each layer is there to encase, and protect what? Exactly what are we protecting?

Imagine if the destruction of the marriage is like a onion.  You have this onion,  some people just cut right down the middle, and intense tears and sadness kick in.  Your crying from the moment of the first cut.  But for others it’s like cutting it under water.  Sure it’s still being cut, but it’s bearable.  You think, “I can handle this,” and you deal with it and bare it. But… it’s still cut.  And in the end, we are tired, exhausted, and the pain unlike the quick cut, is deeper and longer lasting.  We can feel the sting for a lot longer time.

So, first of all. Put the onion down [ And I will wipe away your tears ].  Step away from it, and sit for a second.  And figure out what you really want.

Any person, can give a definition of love, and it will at least be “somewhat” right.  Everyone thinks love can be redefined at will and change. [ It really can't.  It can grow or become less ] There has been times where I’ve said, “I Love You” and I knew that they didn’t know what it meant.

As you see,  some use it as a desperate act to bring back something that is gone.

“Please my love, I love you… don’t go?”

This… is not about love, it’s about loneliness, and we say these words to try and make sure we don’t stay lonely.  That the pain of what was already there is better than not feeling anything at all. [ That song drives me nuts ]

Or, lets go the guilt route?

“I love you, you wouldn’t leave me? Right?”

Uh… this might have well said, “I have this emotional rope.  Here come back and allow me to tie you up again.”

Many times in life, we think everything is one way, and it’s how we receive it.  Are we receiving love? Are we given what we want? Is our “needs” being taken care of?

Needs of course is anything that we deem to be a “need”…

A couple of years ago, I decided to do a test.  I was going to do this experiment.  I decided that I wouldn’t care if I received love, but that I would give it…  all the time.  I was going to serve constantly, be passionate, love adomantly, be romantic.  Be an amazing father, husband and have the family be the core focus.

[ Some people say that the test failed ]

But here is the thing.  It didn’t.  I got exactly what I needed from doing that.  Of course I missed out on a lot of love being returned.  I recognize that.  But, that wasn’t what I needed.  I needed to make sure that I can still love.

Cause love, isn’t about yourself, it’s what you do for others.

Now I was told, that everything I did was in vain. That she didn’t care.  True, she didn’t respond the way I hoped. But it wasn’t in vain… Do you know why?

Because the knowledge and passion that I gained from that experiment, taught me that living an open and loving life will allow me to be able to do that when someone truly loves me in return.  See I gained in such a way, the hows to love, that I can give it like no other.   To the point where some people feel they don’t deserve it. [ sigh ]

I’ve learned that my heart is stronger.  More capable of deflecting pain, and holding true to the things that I know will help the marriage.

After reading many single mom blogs, I see a conflicting tone come from them. One, guys are jerks and shouldn’t be relied upon, or two, that when they find someone who is good, they sabotage it, by thinking that they are not equal and that the guy will at some point screw it up.

I say sabotage, because that’s what I’m seeing them do. And we all sabotage our lives to some extent. We just have to be able to build our foundation on sturdy truths. not on the sandy shores of bliss… bliss is a physical reaction, that needs a very sturdy foundation for it to last over our lifetimes.  And a good definition of what security means to your heart.

In my career, I deal with protecting things of value for businesses.  But in all my education and life long studying, my definition of security for ourselves has turned into this:

“Security can NOT be defined by how much we restrict, but by how much we are willing to give.  The more we give, the more open our lives and hearts are, the safer we will become.”

Fear, uncertainty and doubt* will always rear it’s ugly head.  And with our physical lives bandaging, restricting and boarding up can be our protection.  But this is not true with our hearts.  The more fear, uncertainty and doubt creeps into our hearts, the more open we need to become. [ Thrillers thrive on FUD* ]

Because in the end… we are just looking to give you our attention, and hoping to steal a little of yours.  And… we want to get caught. [ Mmm Yes... We do ]

It seems recently that I’ve been getting emails from readers just expressing a broad range of thoughts. [ Except they all deal with the same subject ]. I’ve been asked what should be said when breaking up with someone to make it quick, semi-painless, but to make it clear in no uncertain terms that it was over. To messages saying that I’m an anomaly and how they wished they could find someone like that.

I’ve been told, that I’m either in awed of, or lusted over. [ Still figuring that  out ]

Much of what I write, is what I believe a relationship should be like.  To often, I hear about all the negative.  The abuse, the infidelity and the loneliness.  And these are good things to get off your chest.   But what about the hope? The belief that everything will be fine, that this hell on earth will only last just long enough to make you appreciate the beauty when you see it.  Of all the people, the ones who go through this pain, will deeply recognize what love and compassion should feel like and know it when they see it.

There are sucky men and women out there, that we could all use a break from.

My one fear as I write this blog, is that there will be the one reader who doesn’t believe in love, that they have become hardened.  They can no longer love.

“She will learn from her mom, that she doesn’t need a man”

In life, there is the views that are hard-left.  Views that are hard-right and views that are just right [ Eh? Goldylocks? ]. With hard-left being a thought in the most negative of form.  Where hard-right is taking a thought to the other end of the spectrum… both sides appears to be beneficial, but both still results in a extreme negative view.

For instance with the above quote, I would see this as a hard-left statement. Where you are seeing that something should be “cut” from your life, to gain happiness.

The hard-right view of this, is to say this: “She will learn from her mom, that she has to rely on a man”

When you look at these statements, it clear that both are incorrect.  That a happy medium needs to exist. Something more like this is more fitting:

“She will learn from her mom, that happiness comes from within, and that being in love with a man who treats her with the respect she deserves will re-enforce that happiness”

First thing that is more than a little obvious, is how much longer this sentence is compared to the other two.  Something that people tend to do is shorten sentences to the point, where it removes much of the meaning, and forces you to interpret what they really mean. And that relies on previous understanding of the person’s views, emotional state and thinking styles.

Thoughts that are in the middle of the road, require you to think about why it should be the middle of the road. The hard-left and hard-right answers, don’t require much thought at all. They can be as simple as repeating somebody else’s view. And that other persons view could of just been repeated by somebody else too.

For you to truly do what is right, you have to ponder, why should this be my view?  Any view that is guided or controlled by fear, uncertainty and doubt will directly or indirectly be applied to others, and will never be in the middle of the road.  These views will always lean to the left or too the right.

As for the above example.  I teach my girls to stand on their own.  That a family will only truly benefit when they can apply their strengths and happiness, skills and talents and to do it with a heart that is full of compassion and joy.  I teach my sons, to love, be a strength, and stand up for what is right.  I teach all of my kids that the goal in this life is family.

Men and women need each other.  For their strengths, for their views, and for the love that they can offer each other.

Any man or women who violates this love, will not be able to obtain that which they so desire.  They will end up being loved by another person, and their kids will struggle to learn what love means for them, giving them challenges that would of not otherwise came to them if the two were faithful and lived for each other.

When I was Nineteen, I was about to go on a journey.  And, before I started my father pulls me aside.  And he says…

Travis, you will be a father now. You won’t get much help.  You will need to take care of your family.

Now, this always seemed obvious to me.  I knew that as a father I would need to take care of my family.  But, this was the last reminder I got like this, before I was married.  it was an aculmination of all that he taught rolled up one final statement.

Travis you will be a father.

Only recently has this really hit home.  [ Kinda funny now that I've gotten as far as I have ]

I find peace in my father’s words.  He has always been my hero, as much as my grandfather was my hero.  These men, have dictated the direction of their families, and you can see it in my siblings, cousins, and aunts and uncles.

Fatherhood, right along with motherhood, are the two most powerful roles a couple will face.  These define your children.  Your children’s children. and will leave a legacy that is far greater than you ever imagined.

Many times as parents we forget… we forget the simple thing.  That, we are responsible for many generations to come. How they will believe, how they will see themselves and how they return their love to their own parents.

My goal is to live a mighty life.  One of my father.  One of my father’s father.

I’ve placed these men on pedestals. [ I know... that's a dangerous place to put them. ] They have not failed me.  The mistakes they make are that of simple errors.  But never did they fail in the quick apology or the quickness to forgive.  And it is in these moments that told me what kind of men they really were.

No man is faultless.  But we can push forward to become better.  We can lead our lives to perfection.  And, I see within my father, mother, and grandfathers and grandmothers, people of great stature.

And it is you that I will become.  I will be my father’s son.

Life always seems to want to remind us that it isn’t infinite.  It has a beginning and a end.  And then we are asked to figure out how to manage it.

At times we are alone hiking through the massive mountains and valleys of emotions, while at other times we share and support each other in the journey.  Leaning down to help with that awkward step, that if we weren’t there, would of caused one of us to slip.

Along the way, we have pebbles in our shoes, a blister, and it just started to rain and all you can do is stand under a tree until it passes.

And then, after what appears to be climbing 5 miles up a mountain side [ which humorously enough ] had a warning sign in the beginning, that said that no one will help you if you have problems, your knee gives out.

You stand there alone on the trail.

It really is that awesome

It hurts.  Your alone.  Your out of breath.  Your backpack easily falls off your shoulders and the hard rock begins to feel soft as you lean up against it.

And then you realize [ Stupid self-awareness ], that someone was supposed to be with you. They promised they would be there, that they would stand by you all the way.  You look up to see that they are no longer there.  And, you feel a sharp pain in your chest. [ But they promised? ] They promised slow dances along the trail.  They promised companionship and someone to lean on when mountain get’s tough.

You look around.  There gone.  Sometimes they were never there all along.  For others, they were there, and you depended on them. And then they decided that you were too slow for them. Or that you were too fast.  Either way, they jumped onto a different trail. [ And that blister still won't go away ]

And then for others.  Not only did you have these blisters, pebbles, and other painful experiences, but you were unlucky enough to have them around.  To only make the trail that much more difficult and painful.  You don’t want them there anymore, because of the pain they inflicted. [ Did they just trip me? ]

And then someone comes along, as you reached your lowest moment.  They lean out a gentle hand.  They are honest, they let you look deeply into their eyes.  You see that their hand is not asking to lead or follow.  But for that moment, they lift to bring you closer  [ The day is gone, and I'm the only light that you see ]. With enough effort, you are brought in closer.

And, with this journey you finally reach that destination, but funny enough the destination is by a beautiful lake, with fish in it.  Requiring both to work together. Because now, As a husband and wife you are taking care of a family. Together. During this time, their was slow dancing by the camp fire.  And early in the morning as the kids are asleep, the two of you climb up the hill and hand-in-hand, watch a new day rise.  And then at the end of the day,  the two of you sit together, buried into each other, watching the sun set.

And, then you start on your hike back.  Remember that knee?  You forgot that it was weak.  You are on your way back down and the knee gives.  It hurts.  But this time, it’s hard not to show the pain. [ Dust was in the air ] But as you sit next to that rock again.  That hand that was lifting you up in the beginning is now emptying out your 50 pound backpack and putting it in theirs.  He  takes the load the rest of the way. While your knee gains strength.

With the blister still there. And those pebbles now refined. You smile, and life at that point couldn’t get any better. And then… you realized that he did it, because he loves you.

It started off slowly… way too slowly.

And here we go, I barely make it up the hill, just behind the BMW that stops for another car turning left.  Dang, I need to get around before I come to a full stop…

Crap, all the other cars saw this and beat me over.  I’m stopped. And now, I can’t move.  I’m spinning. [ Warning sign ]

I actually got around and the BMW ended up turning around.  It’s funny that many people don’t realize that if you can get over to the edge, that the traction actually get’s better and you can move.  I got to the beltline… and there I saw it.  It’s backed up for miles.  An accident [ Double Crap ].  At this point, I had driven 2 miles and it took me an hour and half.

Well, that was fun.  So I made a quick call and rescheduled the pick up for Saturday morning.  I was starting to anticipate a very busy morning, since I wouldn’t be back in town until 10AM and the schedule dictated that I needed to be on location at 2PM.

See I had a Princess and a Rock Star to deliver to their afternoon of awesomeness.

That looks painful... So very painful.

We get back and everything is getting to a fever pitch of anxiety.  They are asking all kinds of questions [ Sheesh, and I'm just the chauffer... teehee ]

We get everything ready, and I get my youngest all settled into his newly rebuilt laptop… which I just rebuilt during the downtime between 11-2… Yeah, I realized how that went and have to admit, it was smooth… like – I’m way too old and can do this stuff in my sleep – good.

And at 2PM, making sure that food has been eaten and that house was in semi-disarray.  Cause I can’t have enough stress. So I made sure that the mess would be lingering in my mind too.

And then we walked through the doors…

The girls just froze.  I didn’t realize what I just done until I walked in there.  I had scheduled a afternoon with an award winning salon and spa… and it showed… Dang.

We fill out paperwork.

A lady comes out, introduces herself as Christi and the girls get whisked off to the Mani-Pedi room.  Of course in all my awkwardness I asked, “Can I bring a camera in?”

Sure, that would be great.

Sweet..

Which had the funniest, yet extremely awesome moment.

I over heard…

Is that a photographer with those girls?

[ Teehee ].  Yeah, they have their own personal Paparazzi thank you very much.

I tell ya, they weren't enjoying this at all.

So I took photos making them feel all important.  Messed with the aperture and shutter, getting some amazing shots. I tried really hard to not notice women who were watching.  That was something I wasn’t prepared for.  But I did notice how the girls looked getting that attention.

Then they went on to hair styling.  I sat back and witnessed my two little girls become teenagers.  Getting curls and talking with stylists, whom they now know by first name.

But most of all I got to see a couple of girls who were very nervous not knowing what was going to happen, to experience something that they loved so much that I promised them that this will be a early event.  [ But next time, I'm just dropping them off ]

Best Gift Ever.

It wasn’t the gift really.  It was the reward of seeing two girls start to see, in themselves a new person. And have things done that they never experienced before and didn’t know what it was like.  It’s hard to explain, but  I felt like a really proud papa yesterday, and I’m not even old enough to be called a papa, except my oldest called me that since she could say her first words… I know, I know…

It’s awesome.

[ Stupid chemicals.. I think I got something in my eye ]

My finger’s are tingling. My knee is all jittery.  My heart is racing.  Could it be that I have…

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated

Holy freak. I'm going to need one of these soon. I can barely think

Ohhhh yeah! Tomorrow night… It’s all about my kids again.  I have been so anxious to have them this weekend.  I’ve been forewarned that they will be bearing gifts.  I’m so excited.  I have everything planned.  2PM a complete awesomeness package for my girls.  They humbly asked for only one thing… a manicure. I’ve booked a really good place recommended to me by my manager. And it’s not just for a manicure… I am just excited at seeing them get to go and do something they have never done before… [ Well I haven't either, but I will accept this ]

Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane

I’m going to be taking pictures of them after their big event.  [ Bwahahaha... They don't know how big it's actually going to be ]

I’ve never done this before, so if their is any advice on how to not act like an idiot with any additional pearls of wisdom on making sure, they still think I’m awesome afterwords [ other me being a silly dad, no you can't tell me to stop ] would be completely awesome.

Like one, what exactly does a pedicure and manicure consist of?

I’m am just completely beside myself, after scheduling this.  I haven’t been able to do anything for my girls in such awhile that this is not just exciting but it’s pulling at my heartstrings.

Hold on… I think I’ve got something in eye… [ I blame it on the dust, yeah, dust. ]

Okay, all better, a slight sting, but I can type again.  Can I take a moment and extole the awesomeness that is my daughters?

Well… They are awesome!  I remember each birth, I remember when my littlest one wouldn’t let go of my leg, when she realized we were going to move, and she was terrified of the change.   I slow danced with her when she was collicky as an infant.  I held her in my arms and sang a good night song.

I sang this goodnight song every night, with my personal ad-libs.  Every so often I still do it.  I would lay in the top bunk with both of them, [ That's right, the tippy top bunk ] and sing Goodnight Sweetheart to them.  [ Stupid dust ]

My oldest dealt with many issues as an infant and was in the NICU right at birth.  She went through tremendous experiences and has the heart of gold.  I couldn’t slow dance with her for a little while and she required constant attention and love, that was needed in her early years. That love has never changed.

Now, she will come up to me and just hug me, and I will sway back and forth. It’s my little dance.

Each one, was so close in age and due to situations, they grew up together and in the same classes.  I would not just carry one, I would carry both.

Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane

My youngest fell down a set of concert steps at a family reunion.  It was terrible, she cut her eyebrow and it was split wide-open, and I had to rush her to the ER 40 miles away.  I in all my daddyisms held her close in the ER until the doctors wouldn’t let me anymore.  Afterwards, she cuddled in my lap and slept, when we got back.

[ Stupid dust ]

What was I saying.  I love my girls.  The one thing that I’ve recognized, is that my family isn’t finished.  I know that I have more to give as a father.  And this is what hurts the worse about sitting here single again.  Not only do I love my children, but somewhere somehow, I will get have more of these experiences again. To love the next little spirit, that is to be shared in a loving marriage.

Dang…. I love my kids.

[ Stupid Dust ]

Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco

Everybody now!  stand up!  and take a moment… cause…

Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go…
Just put me in a wheelchair…

The last time, I had my kids with me,  I had my daughter in a stroller and I attempted to make it through Central Park and over to FAO Schwartz…

Wouldn’t you know it, NYC is not stroller friendly. But that’s another complaint. [ You need those bigger rugged strollers to hit those streets with ] I still have memories of hauling a broke stroller around Times Square with a little girl in it…

My kids absolutely loved going there [ Oh, and the M&M store.  And the Nintendo store. But FAO.. they loved ].

[ My mind kept drifting over to the Apple Store... ]

And, NC dragged [ Not really, but I pretended so she could laugh and pull on my arm. ] me to every station with dolls.  The funnest one she wanted was to adopt a new doll.  They have a nurse [ Uhh, no comment ] on hand, who would help with the adoption process.   Of course everything was ala-carte, so I could see me plunking down $300 pretty quickly…

Not the Princess I'm Referring too, but we just got 2 feet of snow...

NC: Oh, Dad! Can I get that one?
Me: No sweetie, we can’t afford that.  The bottled water on 6th, just dropped me $30 bucks… [ Ugh.. should of bought more at Battery where it was $1 a bottle ]

NC: Please?
Me: I promise, we would do this again and we will get to do this.  [ Ha, take that Build-A-Bear! You ain't getting my money... ]

Well, that promise has completely bombed out… And they forgot, as there was so many things in NY that got them distracted.  But I remembered.  And this year has been pretty rough on them and my heart has been breaking at the thought of them dealing with the changes.

So here I am, pondering what to do for Christmas.  The last time they were here, we were talking about the Salon that’s close to me, and I could see her eyes light up with the thought.   I think I have a good Christmas gift this weekend.

While off being taken care of like a princess,  I will take Roo to go see The Christmas Carol.

This should be a good weekend.  But… I hate the letting go part.

I love my kids.